help help help help

[sweetchili]

again i am feeling so low with Bastian.

His whinging is driving me crazy, i am feeling depressed and horrible. i have gotten to points when i have to leave him because i think if i stay any longer i will hurt him.

His whinging is constant, it doesnt seem to mater what i do, wether he is playing with me or i am ignoring him, or wether i am doing things(housework) while singing and talking to him, or have him in the sling with me, he is always whinging at me.

I thought maybe it was the lack of sleep, and we have sorted out his sleep time and he sleeps much better, and went from sleeping only two hours max at a time, to now sleeping for 10hours at night.

we have also been going to chiro, but the chiro guys thinks he has done all he can do for now.

So just before while i was in tears on the phone to my mum he got hold of CJ's formular bottle and sculled the lot, then started whinging agin because it was all gone......

so here are my thoughts;

I dont have enough supply for him at the moment because i have dropped night feeds my boobs dont know whats going on.

or

He has an intolerance to something that is upsetting his gut so he feels he needs to keep feeding or eating to try and make it feel better.

or something else all together.

I have access to a friend who has plenty of extra emb she can give me.
What would you do, what do you think i should do.

Please..i am at my wits end with his whinging....

[Stardust]

Oh R'ee, I feel for you.
It could be an intolerance. Is he whingy more at any particular time of the day? Can you maybe keep a food diary of what you eat to see if there's a pattern? Or could just try cutting out the usual suspects-dairy, gluten etc.

In regards to supply, has he been whingier since cutting the night feeds?
I'm sorry, kids need me but I will be back later.
((HUGS))

[Rinelle]

*hugs* I have no advice, but just wanted to let you know I'm listening.

[mama_bel]

Oh, it's so frustrating, isn't it? Gentle hugs to you. Is he having a hard time teething? How's he sleeping lately? If he wakes a lot in the night what does he do when he wakes up? Got to go, but I'll be back to check if you've had time to answer. xx

[sweetchili]

ok so sinse he had the bottle of formula he has been happy as anything, playing and singing and dancing....just with his brother, while i did the dishes.

so i think he is hungry..which is making me feel so cruddy. i had so much issues with CJ and feeding ans suply, i think i am spiralling back into that dispare of not feeling like i am being a "REAL" mum.

I guess if i feed him as much as i can in the next few days i could get him to increase my suply? mum says she can take Cj for a couple of days again...so i can work things out.

i am feeling so so so low. feeling like an absolute failure today.

he used to wake all night and i would feed him back to sleep, but just over two weeks ago i stoped feeding hima nd swapped the feed for a bottle of water and patting, using the pick up put down method. i'll post my write up of what i did in my other thread in this section that i named "help" (i think....hmmm seems to be an ongoing theme in my life right now.

he was a whinger before the feeds got cut too.

i did a quick search of "whinging baby" and have found a lot of threads in different parenting forums about six to 10months old who are excesively whingy and driving there mums and family's crazy. he is a "high" needs baby...but i just feel like there has to be something to make him happier, and stop the whinging all the time.

thanks all. off to do nigth routine.

[Stardust]

Molly was a very high needs baby too, still is quite high needs. It drove me crazy too,. I thought it was something I was doing wrong. Took me a long time to realise that's just the way she is. Once I accepted it and went with it things got easier. The opther issue with her was massive food intolerances. We didn't realise til she was over four years old. When we did and took steps to address them...I can't tell you the difference it's made. I wish I'd realised when she was a baby.
If you are worried about supply, feeding more will increase supply. There are lactation biscuits too. But I know you need the rest at night and what a struggle you've had to get him to sleep without B/F.... Maybe Em will have some suggestions?

[MadMel]

oh I feel your pain. Can I suggest a amber teething necklace? I got one from inspired by finn. It's a US company but their teething necklaces are top quality!

Ashton is a whinger and I found it helped a lot with him. He still whinges a lot, I put it down to him being very smart (which he is, very early with everything including talking) and not being able to communicate. Ashton is very clingy, and would be happy for me to just carry him around all day. I got a babyhawk for those OMG days, throw him on my back and get on with things and he's happy to be close. In the last 3 months his vocab has gone up to 40+ words at 16 months, and his whinging has stopped being SO constant.

Just remember it's not you. I struggled with it, thinking he wasn't happy, I was raising a miserable baby. Since I have accepted that his whinging is just him, and there is nothing I can do to stop it, life has been a lot easier. I just go with it now. Try talking to him about things that might be wrong. Ask him if he's thirsty, hungry, tired etc. He obviously wont answer you atm but he will learn later that there are words for what he is feeling/wanting. Might help later on :)

[MadMel]

Also if your worried about supply, increase day feeds and remember to drink LOTS of water. I also took fenegreek for a couple of weeks at one stage and the difference was huge.

[SeaStar]

Night feeds are an important part of lactation. Maybe you need to try to feed him atleast once overnight. Fenugreek is really good too to help increase your supply. You are absolutely not a failure, as an intuitive parent you are recognising something isn't right and problem solving! You are a great mother and remember this too will pass. (((hugs)))

[Chant]

Homeopathic pulsatilla and chammomilla is a godsend for any whingers in our house, works a treat!

[SpringMumma]

There's been some great suggestions already posted, I don't have anything to add, but just wanted to let you know I'm listening. Hugs.

[Kali]

Is he hungry for more solids? I find when Ash is a bit whingey it is because he is hungry. It is hard to keep up with him. I know he is a whingey at the moment because he is almost ready for me to begin lunch. He has breakfast and dinner and a snack in between but that changes on a daily basis. Don't blame your supply. It is natural for them to increase their food and BM just won't cut it anymore on it's own.

[´*~·Meje·~*`]

Is he on solids? By what you have said, the big thing that flashing at me so far is the hunger.

[mama_bel]

I have had babies of 6-12 months whinge too. I never really knew why, but could guess better once it was over. With Immi it was perhaps hunger as she ate very little solids and I was pregnant with Abby by the time she was six months, and weighed under 50kg and just didn't make enough milk... With Bryce it was boredom and I bought a Jolly Jumper to wear him out. It worked to a degree. He was a hugely fat baby who rarely slept. With Lily it was just because she was a whinger, LOL. She is 7.5 years and she complains about everything. Sigh.

I know this is of no practical help to you. I guess for my sanity I just went back through the checklist - is he/she hungry, check nappy, what have their pees/poos been like (telling signs), tired?, overtired?, bored?, something I ate? Sigh. Gives you something to do while they get tired enough to sleep I guess... Much love and hugs. I hope there's an answer and Bastian changes to happy baby soon. xx

[sweetchili]

he is on solids, i have been giving him;

a whole weebix with puree fruit for breakfast
he gets a few tablespoons aprox of baby yogurt for morning tea
then steamed chunks of veg and pasta/rice/bread for lunch(a small child's bowl worth)
rice crackers and some banana for afternoontea
and the same as lunch for dinner.
then he breastfeeds inbetween all of those meals.

does that sound ok, at nine months? he is just on 8kg's now.

a while back i put it down to hunger and increased his meals....and would feed him untill he refused to eat more...the portion seemed huge to me.
lately though he has been only feeding himself, and wont let me him his lunch or dinner off the spoon, he will only eat it if he can finger feed, and he makes big mess so i really dont know how much is getting in.

how can i make sure he is getting enough when he finger feeds and drops so much? i guess i need to make more to start with so he can keep eating if he needs to.

am going to go to bed now, and try and get sleep. thanks so much everyone xo

[Kali]

He is eating more than Ash, but that doesn't mean it is enough for Seb. Try increasing the amount tomorrow and see what happens. I hope you have some success with something mentioned here.

[Anju]

No suggestions, just letting you know I care. xx

[mama_bel]

His weight and menu sound fine to me. I wonder if there's some more protein foods you can incorporate, in case that's the key to him feeling fuller for longer?

Sleep well, love. x

[jodiemiller]

Here too. And I second the wise reminder that it's not you. Remember to breathe. *hugs*

[´*~·Meje·~*`]

Sounds like he is eating well! Does he seem satisfied when he is finished? (considering he is dropping a lot of it while feeding himself - as they do at that age!).

I was going to suggest what Bel did, with more protein rich food, as it will help him feel fuller for longer.

is he interested in food when he is whingy? Maybe he needs to snack more regularly rather than have larger meals less frequently?

Just thinking out loud :)

[kateking]

Just wanted to drop in and say that "not wanting to feed off a spoon and wanting to use fingers to eat etc ALWAYS indicated teething and sore gums/ears for my two. They whinged whinged whinged and wanted to drink drink drink!!!! (Yep drove me to tears too!) I hear you!!! Got anything cold for him to suck?(No I'm not suggesting you put ice packs on your boobs LOL) Oh and the increased salvia production from teething makes them feel sick in the tummy too and drinking milk relieves it) Just do what you can...cry...and then do more!!! It will pass but god I really remember how hard it was. Big huge sympathetic hugs to you :)

[sweetchili]

thank you so much everyone for the hints and suggestions. will turn the computer off for a few days and try and get this all sorted, am taking everything everyone has suggested in to try and work out wether its something i need to fix, or something i need to accept :/

thank-you thank-you
i have a bad feeling this year will not be so good, and i might be having a bit of a struggle ahead to keep depression at bay....but i know i have support around me to help me get through it.

will see you tomorow Kali and we can have a big talk, and maybe a cry =)

[lizlea]

just a quick note - none of my 3 kids would eat from a spoon. They always wanted to feed themselves. Yes it can be messy but they certainly got it into them when they were hungry. Instead of mush stuff like steamed vege sticks worked well, or avocado, pieces of soft fruit.

(((hugs))) hope things improve for you soon.

[Karena]

I'm going to go on a different track here, so please bare with me.

Could he be working on his emotional development. I was having a great conversation today with littlemissnaughty about this. When children are developing skills they tend to go backwards in other's. Ie when they are learning to walk they may lose some words they had previously been saying. When children are developing their emotions and how to work through them, they can become more clingy. Their emotional development is depended a lot of how we deal with them when they show emotions. If we get angry at them for being frustrated, when they get frustrated they can get more aggressive.
Have you noticed more frustration or more extensions of his emotional development. He could be working on differing emotions and therefore whingy and clingy more because he needs your help to deal and develop them.
Could also something else have happened in his life recently. CJ getting more than the usually (for your family) amount of attention? CJ developing a new skills, Seb developing more skills, becoming more self aware?
I hope I haven't stepped over the line here, but just wanted to offer a different pov.
Anyway I hope you manage to get it sorted out.

[emd]

You know what, you're doing amazingly well. Having a toddler and baby is hard. Having one of them with special care needs is harder. Add in normal baby teething and emotional development, and it's no wonder you're feeling like this. Just remember that you don't have to be perfect, your kids will love you just for being there and loving them - which you obviously are!

It does sound like he's hungry. Possibly he also enjoyed helping himself to the bottle because it's an independent activity. If that's the case, don't stress about formula or EBM. I don't know when Seb feeds at night, but I found my supply dropped when I stopped the 5am feed - don't be shy about picking it up again if you need to! You could also try pumping a little bit before you go to bed at night - don't expect to get much when you're tired, but what you do get you can add to his weetbix in the morning, and it might prompt your body to keep making milk overnight.

For food and independent activity, I used to cut up a big platter of fruit for my kids and leave it in the middle of the table where they could help themselves. By lunchtime it was empty, so I would refill it after they'd had their arvo naps and it was empty again by dinnertime. I also left tongs and little bowls next to it, so the toddlers could practice fine motor skills. And with Billy, I have to leave a cleaning cloth so he can clean up his own spills (he's been like this for a year or more). It also means they can get food when I'm busy with other kids' needs. Add rice crackers, sultanas, sandwiches, cheese cubes etc if you want more than just fruit.

At breakfast, we leave the weet bix box on the table. Billy used to point and grunt to ask for more, now he just helps himself and we add the milk.

If he's thirsty rather than hungry, that's even easier to fix. We have lots of no-spill water sippy cups or sports bottles on the bottom shelf of the fridge, so kids can help themselves. Maybe leave a couple where he can reach them in the lounge room?

[Rinelle]

Lots and lots of good advice here. Ezri whinged a lot, and I really think a lot of it was due to teething. Also, as Karena said, quite frequently I could put a lot down to developmental issues, which of course, I could only see afterwards (when she would suddenly be doing a new skill, and the whinging would disappear, or at least lessen, for a while.

[~kaoss~]

To save your sanity, when the whingyness is happening and your feeling yourself not cope, go through that checklist Bel described (hungry? nappy? tired? bored? cuddles?) and if it is all covered then maybe he just needs to whinge and let go a little. It is not you..... My kids all go in cycles of whingyness, the cycles have become more apparent as they've got older. It's so hard when they are whingy, and so nice when they aren't. I do not take it as a reflection of my ability as a parent. I still go through that list of needs and if it is sorted, I let them whinge and try not to take it on board.

Ramble ramble. You are doing fine. You will get through this.

[boy wrangler]

I have a dear friend (who had 3 under 2 at one stage) who's catch phrase is "this too shall pass".

All of the above advice is great, it sounds like he's going through a phase like A (10 months). He's just started walking with that milestone has come massive independence battles. He doesn't want to sleep so I spend at least 1/2 an hour with him crying to get him to sleep even though I'm rocking and bouncing on the fit ball with him. He's never been interested in being fed from a spoon, so feeding himself is nothing new (and neither is the mess!). He doesn't want to be carried all the time, but also doesn't want to be put down!

If you can get some help, then absolutely take it! You are doing a fabulous job and remember, this too shall pass.