Sibling fighting/ bickering

[Kali]

I am over it! I am over the constant squabbles and skirmishes. I know next week they will be missing each other but how do I survive until then?

How do you handle it? Strategies please?

[Anju]

Wish I knew. ITs sending me mad here too. Not just the fighting but the dobbing on each other and making up stories to get the other into trouble. AAAgggghhhhhh

[emd]

I really only have one method: separate them.
Sometimes we get in the car to drive across town and play with other kids. They can't fight as easily when they're strapped into their car seats, and they play much better with other kids than with each other.
Or I send someone outside to play, another off to their bedroom, and the toddler stays with me (where I can see what trouble he's getting into). They drift back into the same space after a short time, but it breaks the mood sometimes.
Or I suddenly remember a job one of them needs to do ON THEIR OWN. Like have a bath, go sit on the toilet, go to their bedroom and write a letter to grandma, re-arrange the ballet tutu shelves (can you tell I have girls?).
Or I give them a game to play that requires playing beside rather than playing with each other. If they can't even play beside each other, they really do have to be in separate rooms. Playing beside games at our house include washing dollies (they have their own tub of water, dolly, wash cloth, and hand towel to dry them after - outside game), riding bikes, making cards. They each have all their own stuff and work on their own activity, so they can be in each other's company without having to directly interact.

[Hailstorm]

I do what Em does as well, seperate them, but I also have to make each of them feel that the 'job' they have been given is very very important :2lol

[jodiemiller]

I refuse to get involved. Unless I'm witness to someone's antics, I don't take sides. I won't accept petty dobbing (but thank them for telling me important stuff when it crops up). Like Em and Kyls, I'll offer them ideas on solo activities, or I'll enlist the help of one to make muffins or water the garden.

Plus, they know that if they come whinging to me about boredom I'll give them a kitchen or garden job that needs doing - so best keep clear of mum and sort things out for ourselves! ;)

[Karena]

We are just starting with this. Brock is now older enough and has enough comprehension to get into Harry's face and taunt Harry something shocking. I'm a bit of Jodie, try not to get involved, and Em, I try to separate. I'm also working with Brock on teaching him to leave Harry alone. But it;s really hard when sometimes Harry encourages Brock to hit him and they both find it funny and when Harry finds it annoying. So I try to let Harry know that it's just encouraging Brock even more and really he should complain as he has invited it onto himself. A very fine balancing act.

[mama_bel]

A bit like Jodie - I try not to get involved, bored kids get jobs, no response to petty dobbing...

But when my kids were in the phase of being nasty recently, I came up with a new "punishment". They have to stand and hug each other and they can't release the hug until each has said something nice about the other one. It always results in a fit of giggles, no matter how old they are! If they're getting mean I say "do you want to stand and hug?" and they cry, "no, no, no!" and laugh and end their bickering. It's working for now at least!

[Rinelle]

I find only having one kid really helps....

[mama_bel]

LOL, yeh but she fights with you instead! Ask me how I know - I was my mother's only child until I was a teenager (then she had twin girls). :)

[Rinelle]

True Bel, true. I didn't say it was the perfect solution. :)

[jodiemiller]

Haha, I'm gonna try the hug solution. I like that!

[Madi]

A bit like Jodie - I try not to get involved, bored kids get jobs, no response to petty dobbing...

But when my kids were in the phase of being nasty recently, I came up with a new "punishment". They have to stand and hug each other and they can't release the hug until each has said something nice about the other one. It always results in a fit of giggles, no matter how old they are! If they're getting mean I say "do you want to stand and hug?" and they cry, "no, no, no!" and laugh and end their bickering. It's working for now at least!

You're a genius Bel!

[Kali]

Yeah I am going to try that one! :great

I am also trying to separate where possible but the problem is that it often happens when I am BF Ash and he is asleep.

[mama_bel]

LOL, it's funny. I hope all your kids enjoy it too. I love "punishments" they enjoy! Win, win. One day Lily said, "Oh please, I really don't want to do the making-up hug thing, can't you smack our bums or something instead?" In a sort of joking, groaning way.

[Mama Chai]

:rofl

Fights drive me bananas here too- And I find if I try to assign them separate tasks or jobs then they always want to do what the other is doing then they fight over that!

I love the IKEA (old ad reference) approach- I put myself in time out :rofl

[Karena]

I love it Bel, will have to try that one.

S, I have also put myself in time out too, but it never lasted more than a few seconds before they found me.

[littlemissnaughty]

I wish I had an answer to it too, time out isn't effective except for the few minutes of peace while they are there, separating is not an option either as there is nowhere else to go but they do need to learn how to tolerate each other more. DD is copying her siblings so much and holding her own too. She has a bit of fight in her and likes to shout back, this morning all I could hear was "I hate you too" coming from her. I find it means more activities that involve turn taking and sharing, board games etc so that I can intervene and model appropriate behaviours and encourage more cooperation. It's only effective while I'm in the room with them though. I like to think that if we didn't live in each others pockets it would be easier but I am probably deluding myself

[mama_bel]

littlemissnaughty, when we lived in a 9 bedroom house mine managed to bicker. :) We moved to a 3 bedroom house and they still bicker. LOL Not a lot, I must say, 'cos it's something we work on.

Even though I don't get involved with as far as being sucked into the battle goes, fighting is something I don't let get into a cycle 'cos it's no fun being a parent with that sort of stuff (bickering, niggling, unkind words) happening 24/7 (we homeschool, so we're in each other's space a LOT).

[Anju]

Its still going on and on an don at my house. Yesturday they had so many baby dolls out and all the junk to play with, but no, they had to constantly fight over this one damn doll. I tried separating them but they worked together to plead to be able to play together again, so I let them, then the fighting began again. E plays with stuff, the J does a run by swooping and steals stuff consistantly till she has all of it. Meanwhile E is trying to play but is also trying to protect all the stuff she needs for playing. Its crazy. Ive spoken to J about it, but it does nothing. I cant win. Its all day stuff.

[chooky]

divide and conquer... thats the policy my mum used with us as kids :)

[jodiemiller]

Tried the hug remedy today. Instant mood change. Bel, you are a genius!

[kebeni]

Bel I love your hug idea. Mine actually don't fight very much. On the rare occasion they are getting up each others noses I suggest working it out or putting it away, doing something on their own or with me and it all works. But for the most part I am lucky that they are each others best play mates.

[soulmama]

OMG! I tried your hug method on the two boys this morning Bel... L (4) told J (2) that he was cuter than he thought he should be and J told L he was "only annoy'n me a liddle bit" :rofl

When I said I was proud of them both, J told me "Don wowwy bout it Mum,"
:2lol

I know C won't be a part of the hug scenario... so he just gets jobs that "suddenly" need doing. ;)

[mama_bel]

LOL, I am rapt to hear of other children being punished like this and having a giggle too! We've had no fights here for days. Too busy! Well, if you don't count me and Ms 15, who probably should do the hug thing more often!

[mama_bel]

**bump** this is for Sheryn. Worth a try? :p

[boy wrangler]

he he, I'm filing the hug idea away for when they get bigger and start fighting!!

[mama_bel]

My 15 y.o. DD and 10 y.o. son were bickering in the back seat (3rd row) of our car today. I asked if they wanted to hug (they have a love/hate thing going, they are so, so alike) and there was instant silence. Is it cruel to threaten to make them hug each other?

You know, the kids have never refused this 'punishment'. They begrudgingly do it. If they did, I guess I'd have to do the 'no screens' threat, huh? It's tough being a boss. I mean Mum. :p