AAHHH she wont listen

[Aine]

what do you do to combat the not listening stage... Just out right ignores or still continue to do what you have asked them not to do just because they want to still do it?

[Kali]

I have no idea. We have been struggling here with DD over the same issues.

[Merlion]

i'm having this problem too....

[mama_bel]

Hmmm, I sigh and think, "This too shall pass..." No practical solutions, sorry, though of course I hear ya! :)

[Merlion]

when does this pass or should have a massive time out mat. actually she puts herself on the time out mat even when we don't put her on it

[Aine]

well this morning we had a bit of a break through, Instant action after a request i was so proud of her

[Stardust]

Here too. I've found that when she asks me to do something I say 'nope.' and explain that respect comes from both sides and if she won't listen to me why should I to her. Seems to work well. But tis a work in progress here...

[Joey]

Frustrating isn't it. I took my dss to the doctor once thinking he was deaf. GP didn;t even test him he said so many first time mums come round asking the same thing with 4 and 5 yr olds lol. It will pass- promise

[Madi]

Hudson ignores DH in particular..... I think he chooses to do that rathen then engage in argument or when it's upsetting - like when DH has to go to work.

I find getting quieter rather than louder has surprising results. :yes Sometimes I end up whispering and that always gets a smile and his attention.

[michelle_j_r]

Jordy is a bit the same but accompanied with a huge scream when he won't get his own way at the moment. It is out of character for him but i have no idea how to tell if it is just a growing little boy wanting his own way cos he knows what he wants or if it is his way of saying he misses his former routine.... actually, not true. I worry that i might miss other smaller signs that say he is missing his Dad but the screaming started before we came home so i think it is just him wanting his own way.

I don't think i am handling the screaming very well at all to be honest.

[Savannah]

We've been having to deal with this too. So Frustrating but good to know it will pass.

[Kathryn]

Millie's latest one is "No sfanks". At least she acknowledges that I've spoken, but that's as far as it goes. In her head, that's the end of discussion. Like "I've been polite - now leave me alone" and it's so cute she gets away with it too. Bad mother. lol.

[Ethereal]

A great tip I was given when I first encountered this with Lillian.

Touch your child - make physical contact. On the shoulder for example. Look at them and have their full attention. It helps a lot. :heart

[Karena]

Yep had that a bit with Harry, but I think it's more "I'll see how long I can keep going for before I have to do it", so I remind him that he can come back to whatever he is doing, but he needs to do what I ask. Other times I get down on his level, look him straight in the eye and repeat what I want him to do.

Good luck with it, it's frustrating though

[Hailstorm]

Soooo how long has Ben been travelling around the country visiting every one? :roll

We have the EXACT same issue here with Ben but Aleza you are right about touching the child it really does help alot

[Madi]

I agree with pp..... getting their attention, through touch, getting down on their level, or even just saying their name first, is really important.

I know that I often tune out, especially when I'm reading or cooking, and DH can talk and talk and I don't notice until he says my name (loudly :laugh)

[MenkyFrog]

Sitting down with the kids and coming up with some guidelines I have found to be invaluable. The touching thing is really important. Moreover I realise that I do a lot of the same stuff (not listening when it doesn't suit me) so coming up with agreements like turning down or off the radio in the car when someone wants to talk, turning off the tv and the most important one for our family is using the phrase "do you have time to listen to me now?"

Getting my kids to ask if their sibling, father or I have time to listen now gives a clear out for them to say no or at least not right now and when we do talk then there is a clear and reasonable expectation for full attention. If they say yes then you talk and if they say no then you say well I have a really important thing to talk about so do you think we could do that in five minutes or once you have finished xyz. J (my eldest - 8) will come up with a thing he is doing to finish before talking and S (my 4y/o) will say 5 minutes because he has no real concept of time but is learning to ask for a time when he finishes a task instead.

I found that a lot of the time us "talking" is actually me directing, sometimes with a little input mostly not. I can't blame them for not wanting to engage so asking if they have time to listen gives them some power-equity. It doesn't mean that I won't still be requiring them to do something.

The thing is it works both ways. It all started with S having a crying/screaming/thingy when I wouldn't listen effectively so I got him to start asking if I had time to talk and it soon became reciprocal and is now an essential part of our family communication.

I recommend NVC (non violent communication) and Respectful Parents Respectful Kids (an NVC book).

It is SO SO frustrating and it, like everything else will pass but the skills everyone (parents and kids) can develop to deal with it can last a lifetime.

Sorry it is so long - it is my pet area ;)

[Ethereal]

Nice answer MF! :smile

[Bron]

apart from when they're reacting, i've found saying thank you, explaining, doing it myself (depending on what it is) works. not all the time of course, and washing/wiping up times are the worst.

[melchpeppi]

Oh MF thankyou! And thankyou everyone!! We are seriously going through this right now - and it is impacted by having MIL here for just a couple of days and kind of going against our guidelines IYKWIM. Anyway, Im going to be getting those books you have recommended.

[Natenimiri]

Thanks Menky! I agree with you and like the way you think.
we are all struggling and its SOOO great to share ideas!
try try and try again (yes it is very trying!). :rofl

[jodiemiller]

I think there are times when we shouldn't expect their instant attention though. None of us likes to be interrupted when we're immersed in doing something we enjoy or that is important to us. Timing our requests to fall at transitions times tends to get better results than when we interrupt them asking for instant co-operation.