Boys Puberty

[mama_bel]

Since we have a Girls Puberty (http://www.intuitiveparenting.com.au/showthread.php?1637-Girls-Puberty) thread, I thought I'd start one about boys. My big boy is 11 next month. We haven't noticed many changes in him yet, but I'm sure we will soon enough.

I didn't grow up in the same house as my brothers (only school holidays) so boys are a bit of a mystery to me! I'm sure dh knows his stuff though.

We haven't had any big talks with ds1 or anything, but he knows stuff from books he's found on the shelves, listening to his sisters, talking with us and his sisters and friends. I think that's cool for this age.

[Mercurious]

I think if you keep an open flow of communication it's not a sudden change.

I'm pretty sure you have a good relationship already.

My main theory with my children is "don't sweat the small stuff" and I think a woman who respects herself and a father who knows how to treat women with respect is a good thing for a teenager boy to be brought up with too.

[soulmama]

Funny having one who's already been through it.. and had to do it again. :p

Although this time he's more self conscious. ;)

[Ethereal]

This topic fascinates me as it is, um, foreign? as I'm not a boy lol. I'm interested by the initial testosterone surge boys have around 5 I think? and what that means to them if anything and also by Steve Bidulph's not theory as such but the three major stages of a boy's life. Makes a lot of sense from here when you see the difference between a boy who has had older males (sport, religious, clubs, uncles, grandparents etc etc) have a positive influence in his teen years. In general :).

[Mercurious]

I haven't done a lot of reading, I did read most of "He'll be ok" by Sarah Lashkie (I think) but there was not a lot I got out of it, I guess I realised halfway though "yeah he will be ok".

I'm lucky I don't have a particularly adventurous or angry 16 year old. I was always hopeful we would make it from 14 to 18 and still be friends, so I'm halfway there.

He isn't a saint, he is lazy but I haven't caught him out as a liar and there has only been one real issue I've had to deal with.

That was a hard one, part of me wanted to come down hard on him, part of me knows he is a good kid and teenage boys emotions are a lot more frgile than they make out. Girls are much more expressive with whats going on emotionally.

[mama_bel]

My eldest boy is quite an aggressive personality. He was the roughest, tumbliest toddler and not much has changed. I must admit that it does help that I can hold his attention for long enough to reason with him these days. I'm hoping that unlike my firstborn girl, he is not my full-on trial run with teen antics for boys. They both have that nature to push everything to the limits, say NO to authority and want to grab the world with both hands already. And they can't get along most of the time, which is amusing.

I think those words are wise, Bec, I too hope to make it through still liking my kids (we always love them, of course), and they me. Sometimes it isn't the case, but it's never long-lasting. ;)

[jodiemiller]

Ooh, all these puberty threads are scaring me!

[mrs fox]

:yeah:I am with you Jodie!
I came from a house of girls so young men are a bit of a mystery...I am glad Dh is around so I can tell the boys to go to their daddy!

[Mercurious]

It's ok Mrs Fox, science might have found a cure by the time your boys get there.

I think I found 8 much worse....it's a big fall from grace when your child not only thinks you don't know everything, but that they know much more than you.

Humour seems to help in my house.

[soulmama]

Humour ALWAYS helps here Merc... I have it on good authority from mums of multiple adult sons too. ;)

[Ethereal]

I think humour helps from the get-go :p. Like when at age 2 they discover not only the difference between a phillips and a regular screwdriver but just what sort of damage/creativity such tools provide. Or the intense need to know how it works so what happens if I start up the bus which is pointed downhill across the road from the ocean. Or that love is expressed in their own way aka far more physical. That there is always another way to look at the situation. These are applicable in our family, anyway. Humour gets us through us many a day and we are only 4 years in on the boy-child journey.

[Mercurious]

I guess not being judgemental helps too. There are somethings DS does and says around his mates I don't agree with, but I am not a teenage boy, never will be a man.

I try to remember that I am not growing a woman, i am growing a man, hopefully with respect and a unique insight into a woman's brain.

[mama_bel]

I try to remember that I am not growing a woman, i am growing a man, hopefully with respect and a unique insight into a woman's brain.

Ah, thank you for that Bec. x

[Joey]

Wise words Bec, it's a tough gig but I reckon if I can manage it half as well as you do then my boy will be just fine ;)

I think DSS's biggest problem has been not having a close emotional bond with his Dad, they live in the same house (mostly) but he feels all he gets is criticism and a lack of understanding. It must be really tough going through this stage in life with your same sex parent so close but so unreachable.

A very wise man told me once that as a parent our only job is to love as well as we can. If the child won't accept help or advice then we just have to keep on loving, some things (most things) are beyond our control, some choices we might not like but as long as we keep loving then we are fulfilling our most important role as parents- and in fact if the child/teen refuses everything else it may be our only role as parents for a time- but it is all we need to do.

[Mercurious]

Oh Joey, my job is easy, loving a child when they seem to be doing everything to show you they don't deserve it. That's when a real Mum steps up to the plate.

I long for the day your DSS is sick of the party, and ready to come home and live a nice healthy dull life. He is still such a baby, and so lucky to have you.

[Esther]

I am so glad I popped in here. My boy is a fair way away from puberty but the testosterone surge of the 5's is here. He will be 5 in September but is sooo aggressive atm. We have other things going on around here as well so it is hard to work out where his behavior is coming from. I think it might be a combination of things. I am hoping his behavior will calm down soon or at least I can chat to him about a few things.

[cef77]

Great thread! I am dreading DS#1 hitting puberty, he is soooooo muchhhhhh hardddddd workkkkkk ATM!

[Phoenix]

Oh my goodness C, me too. I am having so many issues with listening and he is only 5. I am hoping that the grunting is all the puberty symptoms we get here!!

[jodiemiller]

I can't imagine my first-born boy (10) is going to have too hard a time of it, he's pretty level. But my second-born boy (almost 7), really didn't show any sort of testosterone surge that I can recall but I already suspect he will have a *very* hard time. He already develops unwanted crushes on classmates. He's definitely swimming against the flow, I think.

[mrs fox]

atm ds#1 (7)is very emotional, a tired emotion almost. I think so much is happening with his body it is just lashing out and he can not control it...
I am just letting most of it flow over but somedays he can be very cruel. I am hoping that soccer 2 times a week and the exercise that goes with it with give him some good endorfens(spelling?) to help balance out the nasty ones...
Good luck everyone...I think we may need it!

[Mercurious]

Yes I found 8 much harder work. but didn't link it to any sort of puberty. Maybe we need an "Help I have an 8 year old son" thread.

[cef77]

Yes I found 8 much harder work. but didn't link it to any sort of puberty. Maybe we need an "Help I have an 8 year old son" thread.


Oh yes! That is definately what *I* need!

[mama_bel]

Yeh, it was a bit painful for awhile there. Things are better now, since Bryce turned 10 I guess, but I'm just wondering how long it'll last? He's still a cranky bugger at times, though. Sigh. I wish I understood him more!

[Esther]

They're certainly strange creatures lol. I doubt I will ever understand them. I still shake my head when they say men don't like to talk, etc. I just think how on earth do they communicate then. Very strange people LOL Though I must say my boy is really cute. He has my families sense of humor. Just wish he didn't have such a temper. I am pretty sure it is going to be turbulent around here when he goes through puberty.

[Hailstorm]

I'm not sure how we'll go with Ben, I'm really not looking forward to 5year old hormone surge. He is such a sweet heart most of the time, but then when he gets angry the whole house/street knows about it. Also he is sooooo big for his age at 3 (he'll be 4 in August) he is the same height or taller then most of the kids in Hailey's class which is made up of mostly boys, preppies and grade ones.... it seems to me he grows so quick and so much that his brain can't seem to keep up with his size, he's so clumsy. I so hope he doesn't turn into a grunter, my brother was a grunter drove me mad!!! We were all amazed when he got a girlfriend (she's now his wife) we were all wondering how did she manage to understand him :2lol

[Ethereal]

We were all amazed when he got a girlfriend (she's now his wife) we were all wondering how did she manage to understand him :2lol

Crash course at the local tafe in "understanding grunt 101"?

[Phoenix]

Ha!! My brother is still a grunter at 30! It drives me mad!

[kebeni]

i think they go from grunters to mumblers

[soulmama]

Let's not forget the nudging.... I detest the nudging...

Times like this he needs a father to push around... or mates... or big brothers.. not his mother! :roll

[mama_bel]

I have a pushy boy right about now, I'm trying to encourage other ways for him to use his strength!

[Phoenix]

Me too Bel, B chases H around and grabs one of his legs so that he will fall over, he also does a sly push that sends H flying. I have no idea what to do, but I know that he is just displaying his dominance.

[mama_bel]

With our kids we do wrestling. I think Steve Biddulph recommends it? We use a mattress on the floor, and the kids wrestle each other and the parents and it's surprising how long it takes them to submit. It's humbling, but fun. It's more for boys challenging parents, not for little ones with each other.

I just keep re-directing Bryce away from Heath 'cos he is so much bigger and even though Heath wants to play rough games, Bryce is too big. So we've had lots of physical activity that doesn't involve pushing others off the trampoline. Grrrrr.

[Phoenix]

We do a lot of wrestling, I didn't think about it like that but I have always wrestled with B. Will think a bit harder about how we can redirect the physical push and shove that goes on.
Then there are times when H comes out of his room or home from daycare and B is ALL over him with kisses and cuddles. Very cute but such a shift from how it is usually.

[mama_bel]

Oh, my boys are perfect mates 90% of the time, sleep in the same bed often, etc. It's just these physical challenge moments (and they aren't one sided, Heath does his fair share of mini pushes and punches when I'm not looking, I'm sure)... Sigh.

[Phoenix]

Ha, we let B know all the time that H won't be smaller then him for much longer and he should think about what he is doing. They do play really well together, it is when they aren't playing together that B stirs H. What is the age difference between your B and H?

[mama_bel]

Bryce is turning 11 and Heath is 6, so there's 4.5 years between them. Lily is in between and she bosses them both silly! :p Bryce and Heath have only started this pushing etc since Heath started challenging Bryce. Until now, Bryce has been really soft with Heath.

[Mercurious]

I've learnt that nudges are really hugs in disguise. My son went all modest when he was about 7 or 8, and from about 11 or 12 got really uncomfortable with contact. He went from holding my hand in shops so he could dance and do piroettes to the music, to not liking touch in such a short time.