helping to conquer fears

[Phoenix]

H hates the beach. He doesn't want to even walk down there holding my hand, he doesn't want to be put down and he freaks when we are too close to the water. :(

We went for a couple of minutes and it was clear that it is something beyond him.
Living here it is a fairly big part of our lifestyle and isn't going to change in the near future, so how can I help him feel safe and enjoy it?

Thanks heaps.

[Joey]

With F when he was little and hated the beach for some strange reason I used to carry him on and sit him on a picnic rug. He has to get over it pretty quickly as we were on Moreton when he began his 'don't like the beach warwar' thing. I think it took 3 days there before he would walk on the sand or go anywhere near the water. I tried telling him it was a big sanpit but he wasn;t having any of it.

[chaos]

B used to be a bit freaked out about touching sand when he was little too.
I used to carry him in a cheesecloth sling and sit him on the sling or a towel when i put him down. eventually he got used to it, cos when the kids were playing around him in the sand, you would always end up with bits gradually ending up all over whatever he was sitting on. Our main time at the beach was our annual holiday, so from memory it was probably somewhere between his 2nd and 3rd birthdays that he decided it was OK afterall. really not sure if it was an age/maturity thing, or just repeat gentle exposure.

[Kali]

How does he go if you carry him at the beach? I like the picnic rug idea. We did that with Ash at Easter and after a few days he decided the sand was ok and he even went in the water towards the end of the week.
Gradual exposer would be the key I think. Does he have access to a sandpit anywhere? Does he play in it?

[Nyree]

We had to do gradual exposure with DD, too. It wasn't until she was about 4yo that she'd go anywhere near water, but it's like one day she flicked a switch & went from hating the beach (including the sand) to begging to go there all the time.

[cherish]

Do you think it could be the noise of the water? Though I find it quite comforting, little ones may find it overwhelming. I'm not sure how to conquer his fears- but it does give you the oppourtunity to talk about fear.. and talking about those emotions.. good for EQ

[Rinelle]

When we've had fears that are getting in the way of things we're doing, I've tried to focus not on overcoming the fears, but in helping to find a way to make the child comfortable in the situation. Which is what a lot of the things people are talking about are really, just thought it might help to think about it in a different way.

[Phoenix]

I told him that we were going to go to the beach and grabbed his hand to walk. He said 'no' and didn't budge. I picked him up and we all walked down together. He was periodically saying no the whole way and it got more urgent sounding when next to the water. I went back up the beach where the shells are and asked him if he wanted to hop down, it was a solid no. I picked up a couple of shells and showed them to him saying pretty, he knocked them out of my hand and again said no. I was smiling and talking to him about how pretty everything was, I felt I wasn't really focusing on the fear but trying to make it a calm experience.
When we were here at Christmas we took a blanket down but he clung to me the whole time then and was quite upset at being on there.
No sandpit S. I think I will just continue with the short walks and positive language for a while.
Might look into a sandpit. I completely understand the noisy wave fear Cherish, maybe sitting as far away to begin with.

How have you helped your child when they have had fears?
eg: B sometimes gets scared about something out his window before going to bed, so if he tells me about scary we say goodnight to scary and wave goodbye. He goes to sleep happy after we have done that.

[Hailstorm]

Haze was the same as B for a while despite previously loving the beach, one day she just started screaming when her toes touched the sand and hated it. It took awhile, a new pink bucket and spade, and alot of encouragement but now she loves the beach and asks to go at least three times a week :2lol I would sit way up in the dry sand with her in my lap and pick up fistfuls of sand and let it pour through my hand into hers, I would also take her to see rock pools and show her shells and babble on about sea life and things. Then when she was cool with dry sand I did the same with wet sand, she would be on my lap and I would plop wet sand into her hand and ask her what she thought of the different types.

Haze sometimes has nightmares where she is fishing with Veg and he looks at her but his face has changed into a witch's face and then she falls into water, when she has them I cuddle her tightly and reassure her that dreams cannot hurt her. She also went through a mosnter stage I used comedy to help her with that saying Daddy's farts are much too stinky for any monster, we also used 'monster' spray.

There was a while were Ben had this huge fear of flies, it happened I think two xmas's ago when we were at IL's place and there were heaps and heaps of flies that kept going near Ben, it got so bad that he flat out refused to come outside so we sat inside and I reassured him that all he has to do is swipe them away and they will leave him alone eventually he came outside and we all helped him swipe away the flies while he yelled 'shoo flies don't bother me' was pretty cute :2lol

[Rinelle]

I'm not sure that taking him to the beach when he's obviously so upset about it is going to help. It's a form of desensitisation I guess, but I suspect that it might just make him feel more out of control, and even more scared. I understand that being so close to the beach you really want to get down there with your other kids and play, but is there any way you and H could watch from somewhere he considers safe for a while? (Not sure about the ages of your kids or whether this is possible or not?) I think that with any fear the person who is afraid is the one who needs to choose to confront and overcome their fear.

I think a sandpit would be a really good idea, as he could choose to go in (or not) on his own terms. Might also help you work out if it's the sand or the waves that are causing him problems. Perhaps even a tray of sand if you don't want to buy a whole sandpit?

[Bubly]

How old is your LO?
Could you reassure him that it's ok to be scared of things, and try and get him to tell you what bothers him about the beach? That would give you something to work with..

What about reading stories about kids having fun at the beach and all the great things you can do/find at the beach, as well as introducing the sandpit. If you can get a sandpit going, a bit of roleplaying with some toys - setting up a mini-beach for the toys to play in and explore?

Personally, I've found sometimes just letting things go altogether (ie: not talking about the beach in relation to your LO at all) and giving the child time to come around to the idea in their own time works better than continuing to put them in a situation that is distressing for them. Even little things like hearing you say (to someone else, not DS) 'Gee, I had a great time at the beach today, I love feeling the sand in my toes' can have a gradual, positive influence. Like most things, I'm sure your DS will come to enjoy the beach in his own time...

[michelle_j_r]

i had a thread here a while back about Jordy being afraid of monsters. We ended up making "monster spray" out of some stuff in the kitchen (that Jordy chose) and creating a magic spray that he could use before bed. I am not sure if it was that he felt he had more control over it, or that we did a certain "thing" to make them go away, or if it was talking about it or what it was (maybe all of those things together) but after several nights of him using the monster spray it became much much less of a concern for him.

[Nyree]

Hmmm...just thinking DD used to have a table thing separated into 2 sections - one for sand & one for water. Maybe starting with something like that would help?

[Phoenix]

H walked on the sand :hyper He even put his hands down and rubbed them on it! I didn't do anything special, just gave him time. :)

[Hailstorm]

Woot!!!! :hyper

[Pinky]

whoo hoo.. *insert jumpy emoticon here*

[Rinelle]

Yay!

[Harmony]

Awesome!

We didn't have regular exposure but it took our girls a long time to like the beach, not before they were 2 really. It's a very overwhelming thing - loud, bright, hot, windy, unpredictable and visually confronting. We find it best early in the morning and late in the arvo to reduce the heat/wind aspect, and they're a lot better, and also be prepared to wear them the whole time if necessary. Very happy now that B likes it and the other 2 love it, beach time is a lot of fun for everyone :)

[Phoenix]

My Dad has been taking him for regular walks along the sand too, a little further each time. No where near the water which is still very scary for him. :) It is nice to all go down as a family now without H feeling anxious!

[cherish]

lovely..

[Kali]

Awesome! Live the dream!

[Karena]

That's awesome news Em, just in time for Summer.
Sounds like he just need to test it out first and then when it was all ok, he was ok with it.

[Phoenix]

He swam today! :hyper All on his own accord! Love that he is enjoying it now. Such a big part of our lives so it is fantastic!

737

[Karena]

Woooohooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hailstorm]

Wow!!! That's fantastic!!!

[Madi]

Fantastic! Go B!

[jodiemiller]

Yay for you and Yay for B and I love the pic you attached!