Are you an emotional time bomb?

[Mercurious]

I read this article the other day in a Women's Mag (I just bought it for the puzzles... I promise) and thought it might be interesting to others.

It comes with a check list as follows:-

Do you feel overwhelmed a lot of the time?
Do you have trouble saying No?
Do you feel unappreciated?
Do you feel resentful?
Do you have high expectations of yourself and others?
Are you a bit of a control freak?
Do you like to be needed and liked by others?
Do you every dream of being nurtured yourself?
Do you feel guilty after you lose control?
Does it feel like nothing will ever change?

The quiz then suggests if you answered yes to at least 6 you may be an emotional timebomb waiting ot happen.

I think there are a lot of things in there that Mothers feel on a regular basis.

Their tips were (I'll just put the heading unless someone wants more).

1. Delegate
2. Have some fun
3. Be mindful (this was about learning to identify signs that you are getting to boiling point..perhaps an increased heartbeat, clenched fists. Suggesting that the earlier you can become aware the more you can do to ward off an explosion).
4. Challange unhelpful thinking ("No body appreciates me, they treat me like a slave").
5. Breath (When I was experiencing frustration at work I used to go for a cigarette break...I never smoked, I just figured if others could stand outside for 2 minutes deep breathing, I should be able to as well).

I'm sure this oversimplifies the intense emotions some of us have felt, but it does seem to have some helpful points.

[lucylu]

Thanks Merc

Depends where I am i nmy cycle as to how I answer those Q's ;)

[Pinky]

7 yes answers.. anyone surprised! LOL

[Mercurious]

I'm a lot about sleep. I don't have a problem with expectations, resentment or feeling unappreciated any more though.

I think for me not having expectations on me really helps. I get things done when they need to be, and when I have the energy for them usually. Yep my life is pretty good.

[Mercurious]

7 yes answers.. anyone surprised! LOL

:no :console:

[Nyree]

7 yes answers

Snap!

(or is that "try not to snap" in our case ;))

[mama_bel]

Hmmmm. Scary for me too.

[Harmony]

Woo hoo, nearly perfect score, 9/10, go me :thumbdown

[Joey]

I think I only say yes to # 1, and a little bit #2. Maybe that is because my cup is overflowing today with a houseful of family staying. Be interesting to have another look in a few weeks.

[Kali]

Today I am a three but on a Tuesday, when I have to get three kids to three different schools and I tutor until 6pm then I would be closer to a 10/10. It all depends doesn't it?

I think if I had more of a village then all this would be reduced. On days when I have one more adult around, I would automatically go down to a 3/10.

[Pinky]

Do you feel overwhelmed a lot of the time? Yes. and then I do nothing cause I get STUCK.
Do you have trouble saying No? Yes. 1/2 of it is a Canadian thing... 1/2 of it is a woman thing.. 1/2 of it is a me thing... it is crazy.. I am learning and I have taken steps to rectify it.. but it is something I always battle.. maybe always will.
Do you feel unappreciated? No.
Do you feel resentful?No.
Do you have high expectations of yourself and others? Yes. My therapist told me so. I just thought it was normal.
Are you a bit of a control freak? Yes a bit. I've seen worse.
Do you like to be needed and liked by others? Yes. I think this is part of the "hard to say NO" thing.
Do you every dream of being nurtured yourself?Yes. in fact I have this 'dream' or maybe image of a big gorilla holding me up.. a la king kong... only the gorilla is a little smaller and a whole lot nicer.
Do you feel guilty after you lose control?Yes. Always.
Does it feel like nothing will ever change?Yes. And yet I know that change is the only thing that is reliable. I know my life is cyclical. Up and down.. up and down. I get depressed but I always know I'll be happy again.... when I'm happy I always know I'll be depressed again.. makes me appreciate it more. I know everything changes.. but it stays the same... in a changing kind of way.

[jodiemiller]

[B] I know everything changes.. but it stays the same... in a changing kind of way.

Debra-sensei, you're wiser than me!

Love the gorilla dream!

[Savannah]

A couple of months ago I would have answered yes to a lot more of those but I have been trying to change things for the positive.

- I have been working on getting organised, as it seems to ease the pressure and everyone knows where they stand and what needs done.
- I am learning to delegate and that it's ok to ask for help.
- I am taking more time to breath, do some yoga, sit and read and not feel guilty about it - when the guilt comes up I take a deep breath and say a little affirmation along the lines of, I'm worth it, lol.
- I am eating better because I know that we are what we eat and food does affect my mood and state of mind.
- I have been cutting back on things and saying no more often - it is so freeing!!!
- I have been more gentle with myself. I am always doing the best I can and when I'm not it's usually because I have taken too much on and I need some time out.

And I look at myself in the mirror every morning and tell myself that I appreciate and love me. Sounds so silly, and was actually very hard to do at first, but it has helped.

[Mercurious]

I'm sure looking in the mirror saying you love and appreciate yourself looks no where near as silly has loosing the plot (well in my case anyway).

[cherish]

of course I have a dream of being nurtured- doesn't everyone??

I scored well today- 3.. but I'm sure other days it would be much higher!

[Mercurious]

I wonder if this might be a handy quiz to start your day each day then?

Score 0-2 "yes I can take on any challenge"
3-5 Look for for high pressure situations and try to disolve them before they start.
6 and over ..... Just do the necessary....nothing else matters more than you and your family getting though the day in one piece.

[Phoenix]

Sav, I needed to read that! They are wonderful ways to a better relaxed you! Must put notes on my mirrors! And yep, so worth the time spent on keeping yourself chilled!

Love the change, yet stays the same, in a changey kind of way. So makes sense! I always think change will be dramatic and all consuming but it really isn't and then I am disappointed and get cranky at myself and then get depressed that I am still the same!

[Pinky]

lol... yeah pearls of wisdom from children and fools eh? glad it made sense to you.. and yeah I know eh Phoenix... we are always the same.. but always different.. it is weird.. never different enough.. I hear ya.

[Zenifa]

Gosh what a great thread and interesting article.
I think on any given day I could go from a low baseline to a high score, so perhaps I am an emotional time bomb
I can definitely relate to what Pinky was saying, probably even more than I want to admit.

In terms of the tips offered by the article, #4, Challenge unhelpful thinking, this is a huge one and I recommend Sarah Edelman's "Change your thinking" as a great starting point with this.

On the topic of Saying No, here is something that was given to me by a friend (its not perfect but gives some ideas for those of us that are 'people pleasers')

How to say NO - 10 tips for those awkward moments
1. Say it quickly. Do not string somebody along as they will eventually become angry and frustrated.
2. Say it assertively, not aggressively.
3. Only give one reason why you cannot fulfil the request and be brief.
4. Keep your reason vauge eg "sorry I have other plans"
5. Don't try to explain yourself or go into details
6. If the person persists, be a 'broken record' keep repeating the same reason.
7. Keep the same level tone of voice, as this stops things getting emotional
8. If the boss/spouse/insert other person overloads you with work, then ask "what should I drop from my job list?"
9. If asked to do something that may compromise you, say NO immediately.
10. If threatened, leave immediately and seek legal advice and help/support from others.

[Savannah]

Great tips for saying NO.

[Madi]

One that I like to use for saying no to things is "We just don't have time for that at the moment, we're really busy.". I find if I say 'we' people are less likely to push for reasons.

[boy wrangler]

That is a good one Madi! I also have done the 'I'm not sure what DH would say' or 'I'll have to talk to DH' etc. Then it can be his fault that we've said no and not mine!