New mums feel like outcasts returning to work

[jodiemiller]

http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/national/new-mums-feel-like-outcasts-at-work-according-to-uk-study/story-e6frfku9-1225947934522



NEW mothers returning to work can feel like office outcasts, according to a study cited in the Herald Sun on Thursday.

The research found that more than half of full-time working mums feel threatened by stylish singletons sporting the latest trends.
A quarter believe they are overlooked in favour of younger, fashionable colleagues, and 44 per cent even felt they missed out on a promotion because of their appearance.
With new babies shrinking their disposable income and time to shop, more than a third of working mothers are jealous of their single colleagues in the fashion stakes.
The poll revealed 44 per cent of new mums feel self-conscious in their office attire.
Post-baby body blues was also a common issue for women.
The UK study, by Persil, of 2000 working mothers found 54 per cent were mainly insecure because they were overweight.
Twenty-three per cent admitted they never got their figure back, which altered their work wardrobe. One in five working women said fashion was the biggest water cooler conversation topic.
Almost half said buying clothes took too much time and energy and they were usually too exhausted for a shopping spree.

[Madi]

I feel like some people's priorities are a little out of wack....... including the people who thought up this study :shrug

[Kali]

I don't agree Madi. I have just returned to work and there is definitely a need to dress appropriately and that means being a bit fashionable. I don't feel the need compete but I do feel the need to look up to scratch. My mummy wardrobe would not cut it on the days I work so I have now got two wardrobes. One for work and one for mummy days. I am also keeping my legs shaved and my hair cut as well. I need to look neat and presented as other teachers to be respected, especially by those who don't know my capabilities and need reassurance that I am up to task.
Lack of time and money makes it a challenge to look the part, but if I don't look the part I won't get work.

I do sit in the staff room and wonder about the amount of time and money wasted on some people wardrobes and I do feel a little jealous at the single womens easy, fun life.

[Madi]

I understand what you're saying, and of course there is a need for appropriate clothing (although I disagree that necessarily means fashionable) and neat presentation. I just wonder why anyone would think this is worth studying? Of course it's going to be a little bit hard for new mums to be tired, with a jiggly tummy, and vomit dribbles down their back seeing clean neat single women who have copious amounts of disposable income. What can we do about it? :shrug Why should we study it? If the study looked at this in terms of postnatal depression or impact on children and families, then that would be constructive.

I would imagine the 44% that 'missed out on a promotion due to appearance' had more to do with bosses being concerned about their commitment due to having young children - which is a real problem mothers in the workplace struggle against and more worthy of being studied imho.

[jodiemiller]

I suppose it's evidence of the wider hardship mothers returning to work must endure - not just the time management aspects of it, but the resources for a new wardrobe in a new size and how the opportunity to upskill is affected by that.

Often you learn about the way things really are by studying the peripherals, rather that the too-complex matter at hand.

[Kali]

I guess the study was to show one of the components of a big complex issue. I can see how you would think it was a waste of money but if a boss reads it and then understands why returning mums look like they look a little bit more then maybe he/she can see past it when before he/she might not have. Not sure, mums returning to work is very complex and wrought with discrimination issues.

[Karena]

In my work place I'm lucky as we have a uniform which we all wear, that makes a huge difference. But I find the social side hard. Quite a few of my work mates are single or childless and they often go out on the weekend, they are nice and always invite me but I just can't go.
Also we have different ideas about a night out. Take in a couple of weeks, we are organising a retirement dinner for our Dr, they have organised it on a Thurs which is my Zumba night (my 1 child free activity) and Harry's Karate night. They also have thought about not starting dinner until 8pm, we usually eat at 6pm and I'm in my pj's, on the couch and half asleep by 8pm, not starting to eat dinner. In fairness though they have also put out there that the restaurant can take us at 6pm, I did vote for this time. For me to go, I have to make sure Nick is home before 5:30pm or get dressed, get Harry into karate clothes, take the boys into town, drop them off at Nick's work, get Nick to drop off Harry and pick him up at 7:30pm, then I can go. I seems like sooo much work compared to finish work, go home, relax, get dressed, go out for dinner.

But it certainly is hard being a working mum.

[cherish]

I wish that we had a uniform- cause I would wear it most of the time..

I love the fact that where I work there are lots of mums all around.. and while I like to look nice- I can have a jeans and t-shirt day if I feel like it..

also- working in a lower socioeconomic area really helps you not to feel that competitive- I have to look beautiful..

[Eilleen]

LOL - wardrobe was probably the easiest and most fun aspect of returning to work! Yes, I did have to buy a whole new wardrobe but I easily found that at op shops.

What made me feel like an outcast was more the new equipment, new ways of doing things and the distinct lack of other parents of young children at my work.

I still feel it now with only 1 other person in my work being a parent (and he has a partner to help with that load). I often feel that I am not contributing as much as they can be totally flexible over their working hours when required. While my work makes a huge effort to be family-friendly - the reality is that for most of them, those family friendly policies do not apply and therefore, they sometimes forget.

[Savannah]

I certainly found the wardrobe thing an issue. I didn't take my professional clothes with me to NZ, so when I went back to work I had to start from scratch. Thankfully, I found a great op-shop.

There were much bigger issues though. Female competitiveness. Sleep deprivation. Leaving home at home and work at work. Relationship changes with DH. Being a working mum felt like the hardest thing in the world to do, but staying home wasn't good for my sanity either. lol

[boy wrangler]

I felt like an outcast, but more because of all the relationship changes and new people that happened during my year off. I went back for a visit last week and completely felt like an outcast! All the kids I taught are now about to move on to high school and are taller than me, and some colleagues didn't even recognise me!

For me it was nothing about the wardrobe though.

[Kali]

Oh yeah! I hear ya! I sat next to a 'friend' who said to me, "Geez you look familiar" when I told her who I was she was shocked and of course embracing of our friendship again but still.
It has been 10 years since I worked at the school but I have been involved with the school for all that time but things have really changed. It feels like home but someone came in and shifted all the furniture.
People treat me like a brand newbie and then are surprised when I start talking about the school council or an older member of staff comes up and gives me a big hug. It is a bit weird at the moment. I think it is doubled because of Ash as well. Lots of concerned questions from staff who know me and lots of confused looks from new staff. I am sure there must be a lot of questions asked about who I am when I leave the room. Not too many relief teachers are in my unique position.

[Savannah]

Much strength and love to you S.