Negative self-talk challenge

[Harmony]

Do you use a lot of negative self-talk? Pull up your posts and see how often you do it. Reflect on IRL conversations. I will do it tomorrow because I'm going to bed now ;)

Why do you use it? How do you feel when you do it? What benefit do you get from it? How do you think it affects the way others see you?

[skn]

This is actually a big thing for me. I avoid it because when I think negative it's not about wanting anyone to refute what I say/think...so I don't mention any (or many) negative thoughts.

I'm quite interested in this.

[cherish]

Only when I'm down I think.. I'm usually very positive about myself anyway.. when I did hypnobirthing I was really challenged about the use of words and recognizing the power they have on things..

I do find I have negative thoughts/words about my eldest daughter.. which is something I'm working at to change- but it's hard.. it's my challenge this week- not to fight or be negative, but to frame up requests in a calm and positive way..

[Harmony]

skn - do you mean negative thoughts about anything in general? Or about yourself? I was directing this challenge at identifying ways we are not helping ourselves by thinking about ourselves negatively - I'm fat, I'm useless, I'm a terrible mother, I'm lazy - but examining thought patterns in general is probably the next step/wider application. I know I avoid people who are constantly negative, talking to them is such a downer! Not so much online, there isn't anyone here like that and at least online you can just walk away, IRL it's not so easy!

[mamma]

deflection - im was so used to being talked negatively about as a child/young person that i worked out early on that getting in first took the pleasure out if it for some people iykwim? will bbl baby needs a sleep

[Anju]

I believe I may be the reigning Queen of Negative Self Talk! I cant write any more on this thread without talking negatively about myself. Talk about a catch 22! ha ha ha
But seriously, yes I am very very bad to myself and always put myself down. Its a terrible habbit, one that I picked up from a very early age. I think its a defence mechanism coz if I say it, then you dont have to. maybe?
l find that while Im very negative about myself, I am actually quite positive about everything else.

[skn]

skn - do you mean negative thoughts about anything in general? Or about yourself? I was directing this challenge at identifying ways we are not helping ourselves by thinking about ourselves negatively - I'm fat, I'm useless, I'm a terrible mother, I'm lazy - but examining thought patterns in general is probably the next step/wider application. I know I avoid people who are constantly negative, talking to them is such a downer! Not so much online, there isn't anyone here like that and at least online you can just walk away, IRL it's not so easy!

I think I don't really express my negatives thoughts about myself too much (I certainly have those thoughts in my head, but don't verbalise them to people often). If I do, I might say something like "Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing a good job at ...." y'k? And I try not to make it a statement- I'll try and explain it. I don't get what I need by being negative with people- I don't like people going "oh no, don't say that, you are good at..." because I'm the one who needs to think that and believe it...(does that make sense?). So I try to avoid that with people, but if I do 'go there' it's about me processing.

If I'm having a bad moment I'm more likely to direct my negativity at someone (like DP or the DDs)....not good. I am working on that...explaining to what's going on in my head to DP (making myself vulnerable and being ok with that- has been hard for me to to that).

[Beckstar]

I try to practice positive self talk. I tend to talk to myself out loud a bit when I'm alone (or talk to the dog or the chooks, or sometimes the plants) and I try to always correct a "That was dumb" to "I better watch where I'm going" or whatever.

[Snoozie]

deflection - im was so used to being talked negatively about as a child/young person that i worked out early on that getting in first took the pleasure out if it for some people iykwim? will bbl baby needs a sleep


I believe I may be the reigning Queen of Negative Self Talk! I cant write any more on this thread without talking negatively about myself. Talk about a catch 22! ha ha ha
But seriously, yes I am very very bad to myself and always put myself down. Its a terrible habbit, one that I picked up from a very early age. I think its a defence mechanism coz if I say it, then you dont have to. maybe?
l find that while Im very negative about myself, I am actually quite positive about everything else.

This is so true... say things before other people can and in some ways it hurts less as (I) tend to make a joke of it.

I struggle with this constantly but am nowhere near as bad as I used to be. Yay me! :happy

[Rinelle]

I don't think I do, but feel free to correct me if anyone thinks differently. I'm usually pretty positive about myself, although sometimes I can get quite negative about the situation I'm in at that point.

[Pinky]

I do. I think I do it because there is a big thing here to be self deprecating. It is seen as humour. And the alternative is to be seen as a braggart.

I'm not saying that speaking positively about your self and your children isn't a good thing.. it totally is. I just think the reason I put myself down is because I don't want others to think I'm bragging if I'm positive.

Strangely the more "successful" I've become the more negative I speak about it.

Is that weird?

[Esther]

I talk negatively about myself. It has become an automatic thing. I don't even know all the times I do it. There was so much negativity when I was a kid that I find it hard not to think like it now. Also I get the feeling I wasn't liked by my parents as a kid. I was difficult to look after so there was so many negatives. I was called Esther the Pester and they even called me it when I was an adult until I got the courage to tell them I didn't like it.



I'm not saying that speaking positively about your self and your children isn't a good thing.. it totally is. I just think the reason I put myself down is because I don't want others to think I'm bragging if I'm positive.
There is this as well.

Anyway got to go, completely forgot I have to pick up my big girl from school :2lol

[Pinky]

Also I get the feeling I wasn't liked by my parents as a kid. I was difficult to look after so there was so many negatives. I was called Esther the Pester and they even called me it when I was an adult until I got the courage to tell them I didn't like it.

your parents called you that? oh darlin'. I'm sorry. that really bites. it is just mean.

[Snoozie]

Oh that sucks Esther :( :(

I was called a prostitute, whore, slut amongst a barrage of other things and once was told it would be worth the jail sentence to kill me (whilst said speaker was driving the car towards a telegraph pole).

I have some self esteem issssssues!

[melchpeppi]

OMG Esther! Thats awful :(. Hugs

And Susan you KNOW thats all lies hon. Stupid parents - thank god you have elected to be a more aware parent hon *hugsssssss to you*

I dont know, I havent thought about it really - I dont *think* I do?

[Snoozie]

Yeah I *know* it but that little nagging voice in the back of my head says well she's your mother so maybe it's true. :blink

Of course DH knows all the stuff about being a whore etc is complete crap! :great

Supposed to go back to psych tomorrow but I overbooked lmao and he's busy til mid-November... oh well! I'm feeling pretty positive recently. I'm just trying to keep the momentum rolling.

[Esther]

Hugs Susan. I often understand your posts. Perhaps we are not that dissimilar. As time goes on I find myself shaking my head about the things some parents say to their kids. I don't know how they can do it.

[soulmama]

I think I came to a point in my life where I realised that I didn't have to talk negatively about myself... it seemed there were always plenty of others to do that. :rolleyes So that left me free to say all the good stuff. And let all the other stuff go.
It didn't matter that it was my mother/brother/sister or whatever. They weren't inside my head and they didn't have to live my life. Only I did. :)
So I'm making the best of what I have and leaving them the crap. :2lol

[Anju]

Soul Mama, maybe you can share how you did this?
What stopped all off you who are positive after being negative from doing this? What helped you and how do you maintain this method of thinking?

[Lee]

I think its a defence mechanism coz if I say it, then you dont have to. maybe?


I think this applies for me. I don't do nearly as much negative self talk as I used to, but when I say things in 'public', to others, it's usually a "I'll get in first" kind of thing. Because if THEY said it, I would be crushed, but if I say it first I can (pretend to) be unconcerned. Because it's so OBVIOUS that I'm stupid, or ugly, or don't know what to do, or whatever. And then they can gain nothing from pointing it out, because I already KNOW. So just IN CASE anyone is thinking anything negative about me, I will try to think of all the negative things it could be, and then pre-prepare myself for them in advance by either thinking them or saying them, so that I won't be caught unawares. Because that would be too TOO traumatic for me to cope with. Note to everyone here: Never say anything mean to me, okay? :D Because I am crazily sensitive. (ps I know you wouldn't anyway)

These days it's more often, "I did something wrong" or "They're mad at me" or "they hate me" rather than anything specific about myself. I think I pretty much rock, in general, UNTIL someone seems to be displeased with me and that starts the whole spiral to negative self hating suicidal craziness.

I think I need to learn that someone can be temporarily bother by something I have done, without hating me and wanting me to die. I might start a thread on that actually.

[Lee]

I do. I think I do it because there is a big thing here to be self deprecating. It is seen as humour. And the alternative is to be seen as a braggart.

I'm not saying that speaking positively about your self and your children isn't a good thing.. it totally is. I just think the reason I put myself down is because I don't want others to think I'm bragging if I'm positive.

Strangely the more "successful" I've become the more negative I speak about it.

Is that weird?

I struggle with this as well...I am only just learning that it is perfectly okay to think I am a cool person. Actually IP helped a whole lot with that, because y'all are so sweet to me and never seemed to think it was weird if I said something like, "lee rocks". Instead, there was a general chorus of "We know! She totally does!" and after enough of that I started thinking... 'huh.... if all these really cool groovy women think it's all right for me to say nice things about me... then hey... maybe they're onto something and it's okay..."

I think the first time I said, "Lee is fabbo" or whatever on here I really completely expected everyone to go, "Nerr, whatever. You're full of yourself." and you didn't.

So. Thank everyone.

[Donna]

*hand up* I know I need to STOP doing it. I think what is going on IRL when I am down I don't see the positives.

Lee - You've made me giggle without knowing it. My last name is "Lee". Down where the "Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread" it has "Donna, Lee" LOL

[skn]

I think for me when I was having those toxic, awful, depressive and negative thoughts (whether I verablised them or not) I was somehow hoping that someone would make it better for me. I don't know how I thought that would happen, but I just felt that I couldn't do it, I couldn't make that change. And I could always think of a reason about why I wasn't good enough or why my life wasn't any good.

Then gradually things started clicking and I realised I couldn't keep thinking that way.

I mentioned earlier that I still get negative thoughts....thinking about and I don't think that's exactly true- I have anxiety (and that can lead to negative thoughts, but I'm getting much better at tackling the negative and just need to work on the anxiety). I think now I'm more likely to get a like down about a situation rather than myself and then work out what I need to do to change it.

I've also become realistic about myself. I won't ever be good at everything and that's ok. But if I want to become better at something I'll work on it.

It takes a while to change that way of thinking, but I find it much easier to stop myself now.