Parenting toddlers to sleep

[Kristyalla]

Hi,

My twins boys are 15 months old and we co-sleep. For all sleeps I lay in the middle of my king bed with a baby in each arm on each side of me, this has worked fine for a very long time.

Lately they won't go to sleep they keep mucking around, climbing all over me and being silly. I felt they weren't tired enough so I dropped them down from 2 to 1 sleep a day and this has improved things but they still are not settling.

My question is how do I handle them when they are mucking around, all my friends just leave their babies in their cot and walk out so they can't offer me advice. A few times I have put them on the floor for a few seconds and them back on the bed and they didn't like it :( and cuddled up to me and went straight to sleep but I'm not sure that is the right thing to do. Should I just lay down with them and patiently wait for them to crawl all over the bed for an hour and finally get tired and lay down?

Has anyone else been in this situation. I don't mind laying down with them at all I just want them to know that our bed is for sleep and not playing but not sure how to teach them this.

Thanks in advance,

Kristy

[Pinky]

I used a technique in the "no cry sleep solution" that seemed to work. The technique was

1. have a ritual that is the same every night (this sets up expectations) you can explain it in words too but the ritual is important
2. once you put them down - no more talking. no more eye contact.
3. be prepared to be up for a few days getting this sorted out
4. every time they get up, play, whatever. Gently pick them up and lay them down again. No talking. No eye contact. Just gentle loving touches.. back down to sleep. Keep doing this again and again and again and again until they go to sleep.

soon they will "get" the ritual.. and going to sleep will just be part of it.

when they are older and you are ready you can then start the process to not lay down with them anymore... if you want. Some people do this.. others wait until the child themselves decides to leave the family bed.

With our daughter she was all excited about her new big girl bed and her new room (she was almost 3 at the time) and wanted to sleep on her own.. but we still had to sit in her room with her until she fell asleep for a few nights before we could just walk out after story time.

Anyway good luck. This technique worked for us .. but it may not work for you. Try reading the no cry sleep solution because there are a few different ones.. we just chose the one that I though we could do and would work for our kid.

good luck.

[jodiemiller]

When my older two were toddlers (20 mths apart) we started to differentiate between the day and night sleeps. Because we had set up their own beds in the spare room, we started to use them - one single bed and one trundle. The room was small, so I was able to sit between the two beds and *just* reach both children at once. The separate beds meant they couldn't play around too much and if I knew they were tired, I kept my hand firmly on each child as they settled, sometimes massaging them or 'wobbling' their lower back/bottom to relax them off to sleep.

I also sang to them regularly at bedtime (night or day). Starting at a slow pace and gradually slowing the songs down further as we went along or I got to repeating it over and over. This worked like magic!

It was intensive and I remember wishing that stage to pass quickly. I did try settling them in separate rooms (one in the cot we rarely used and one in the new bedroom) but that never worked. They needed to be together, so the above is how things evolved for us.

[boy wrangler]

my two boys (3.5yrs and 21 months) have always had trouble going to sleep and you've described exactly our sleeping situation! They were always in cots for day sleeps at that age though, but mucking around in them! I never left them either so I understand your frustration!

I did what Pinky said too, just 'ignored' any unwanted behaviour and kept repeating my mantra while either giving them cuddles or patting their bottom. If they were being completely roll around the bed crazy I'd just sit next to the cot repeating the mantra. The mantra has changed over the time. Either a sleeping song (8 days a week is a favourite) or a ryhthmic 'sh sh sh sh' or if they were totally crazy I'd repeat on end 'time for sleep sh sh, time for sleep sh sh'

Some days I went totally mental and felt like a crazy person but it worked and A (21months) still has a day sleep and if off in about 10 minutes these days with me sitting beside his bed and singing, patting his bottom if he's not super sleepy.

Good luck!

[michelle_j_r]

Getting two active boys to bed at the same time is hard work! I also lay with mine in a queen bed and have done that since the youngest was 18months. He was (is) the trickiest to settle. I used to lay between them but now I lay to one side cos I get up once they are asleep

It's not an earth shattering suggestion but have you tried bedtime stories? They are probably if an age now where their mind is active and just laying down does not mean they can relax into sleep with so much else to think about! A few stories abd perhaps a child-based relaxation exercise (like from those 'moonbeam' books) and then just roll over to face away from them both (I find my iPhone keeps me entertained then!) and let them fall asleep. Perhaps with s pillow between them if they tend to get in each others way.

Good luck!

[cherish]

honey- I totally empathize.. I also have twins (6yrs now).. hard getting them to sleep.. my girl was pretty good and enjoyed just going into her cot/bed.. however my boy would wriggle and jiggle.. and then just all of a sudden drop off to sleep.. he still does that to some extent..

I found them harder to settle the older they got.. as well as having a singleton (bliss!)

I didn't find it easy to read them a story.. not in bed anyway..

as they got older and into beds I remember I would sit between the beds and pat each of them.. I found that having one way all the time didn't always work.. just to be adaptable and trying new things..

in hindsight, what would have been ideal would have been that their Dad would take one and I would take the other.. that way they would have got the individual attention that they needed:( do you think your partner would take one and you the other, and then the next night swap..

breathe.. it's hard work.. we still have nightly fights over who is sleeping next to me.. (cause little one is still bf so I bf him off to sleep)

the only thing that comes to mind is perhaps giving them each a massage before bed.. that way they've had that individual attention and are feeling relaxed.. and sitting in between them rather than lying might help to maintain some ''control'' I know you know what I mean :)

[wems]

My boys are 6 and still have to stir each other up if we lay down together ......1 on their own is fine and normally any of the other kids can manage to lay quietly most of the time, but get Darcy and Kane on the same bed together it is a disaster :2lol

What normally worked for us was set a time limit you are happy with, for them to jump around like monkeys, keep it the same every time and let them know, after 10 minutes it is quiet time (I always find saying quiet time works better then sleep time) then read for about the same time, and then start the shhhhing and patting routine for about the same amount of time. I found if it hadn't worked by then they weren't ready so we would get up and start again a bit later.

This routine was probably more for me to get 30mins rest because I was pregnant with baby #6 when Darcy and Kane were about 9months, I have always been pretty lucky with my kids, they have always self-regulated their sleeping so they just go off to bed and sleep when they need too.

[Kristyalla]

Thank you very much for all the suggestions.

I agree they are still wound up when we hop into bed so it takes them a while to settle down, sometimes too long, so having a set settling period would definitely help.

My husband and I usually take in turns of a night and I do it on my own of a day as he is working. I think now they are having only 1 day sleep (3rd day) it will make me a lot more patient as when I'm putting them down 3 x a day I can get a little frustrated which is my own issue not theirs.

Thanks for the reminder that you need to change things up !! I should know this as we have been doing this since birth. I rocked to sleep for the first 4 months then patted/shooshed in cot until 9 months which worked great until they could stand then there was no way they were going to sleep which is when we moved until my bed.

Another question - One of my twins is scared of their cot !! They haven't slept in a cot in about 6 months and I recently decided to take the sides off one side and change to a bed and a couple of times when we have been playing in the room I have put him in just to see if he liked it and he gets scared and upset especially if I lie him down.

I was thinking considering we are ready for another change that I would move their cots together with the sides off and sit between them and try to get them to sleep that way but if my sons scared of the cot should I just leave it until his older or try to get him use to it.
In a perfect world I would love the boys to be able to go to sleep in their cots and come to my bed when they wake but I don't want them to feel like I've kicked them out of 'our' bed.

Should I wait until they are older or give it a try?

Thanks so much for you help it's so lovely to get responses of a gentle nature as I'm also on a twin forum which is very much mainstream and I often feel like the odd one out.

Kristy

[jodiemiller]

I don't like cots. They resemble a cage, when you think about it. Toddlers can't climb in and out independently, and if they try, they can potentially injure themselves.

My preference: if they won't be sleeping in your own bed, then maybe it's time to prepare their future beds. One of my kids transitioned to a trundle bed around 15 months and she never looked back. You could even start just with mattresses on the floor and buy the bed frames later, when they're old enough not to fall out.

[Kristyalla]

I don't like cots. They resemble a cage, when you think about it. Toddlers can't climb in and out independently, and if they try, they can potentially injure themselves.

My preference: if they won't be sleeping in your own bed, then maybe it's time to prepare their future beds. One of my kids transitioned to a trundle bed around 15 months and she never looked back. You could even start just with mattresses on the floor and buy the bed frames later, when they're old enough not to fall out.

Thanks for the quick reply. They are cots with one side of so technically beds? I could also take both sides off but I'm a bit worried about them falling out !!

Kristy

[jodiemiller]

You said one of your boys is scared of the cot. Does a 15 mth old understand what is technically a bed, and what is not?

If they are full-height cots (as opposed to toddler beds with rails), then even after taking one side off I would think that they are still cots and that perhaps your boys can't safely enter and leave the cots without your help? What's to stop them falling out of the open side?

[chooky]

lots of good advice here. I found this article changed my perspective and has made life alot easier
http://www.naturalparenting.com.au/flex/the-zen-bedtime-the-stress-free-end-to-the-day/7892/1