Hitting and "time in" [Archive] - Intuitive Parenting

kateking

14-07-2011, 07:17 PM

I really don't think it is the action you take at the time that teaches this lesson, they aren't ready to listen when they are striking out. Of course you can react and state your feelings without anger that you don't hit because it hurts others and you don't like it and gently preventing the hitting as best you can by walking away, standing up, giving them a metre of extra space!!! etc. I think the follow up is vital, AFTER when everything has calmed down I always found it good to have a simple conversation along the lines of.
"You got very angry didn't you"... they answer..."
Did you feel angry/ frustrated"?
Well that's OK EVERYONE gets those feelings sometimes (I think that's an important point so they don't feel isolated)
"But no matter how angry we get we can never hit so let's work out other things you can do".
For us it was Ollie going behind the chair hiding in the lounge room (His idea) until the angry went away. The no hitting thing took 12 months to work, (he's 4.5 yrs) I'll be honest now he has absorbed the no hitting concept I see he still wants to do it sometimes, LOL, but that control is there now. he can stop himself and he never hits. He also doesn't feel the need to do the lounge room chair thing anymore he seems to be able to process the feelings wherever he is.
So maybe start now and in a year you'll have the same result!!!
Good luck.

Rinelle

14-07-2011, 07:40 PM

I'm not sure what you mean by time in? Is that like time out, or some variation on it?

We tried time out when E started hitting at around 4. Since we didn't have a seperate bedroom at the time, we would sit on the bed and hold her until she calmed down. When she was a little older, and we had an actual bedroom, we tried time out in her room. She could come back out to us as soon as she had calmed down.

On the surface, it seemed to work. She would calm down much faster in her room than out with us. However, in the long run, it turned a little girl who was just starting to want to be on her own (and she'd always been a clingy one), into a chile who couldn't bare to be in a room apart from us, and still frequently can't at 7. I wouldn't do it again, and I certainly wouldn't do it again.

What we do now is to hold her just long enough to stop her connecting with us, and tell her I can't let her hurt me, just like I wouldn't let anyone else hurt her. And wait till she calms down. At 7, she very rarely hits. I think in many ways it is something that the grow out of when they have the skills to deal with the upset in a different way, and the most important thing is to get through the phase without anyone getting hurt. We were lucky in this in that she never hit anyone outside of Dh and I, never raised a hand to another child, even her younger cousin.

These days, as I said, she rarely hits anyone anymore. Part of this is her growing older, and part of it is us trying to find solutions for her other than hitting, and working out a way for her to have whatever it is she wanted in the first place.

cherish

15-07-2011, 09:44 AM

no- time in isn't the same as time out.. it's kind of what you describe Rinelle.. being with, holding, talking at the right time. I did read a gorgeous article about it a while ago- must find it..

I also have a hitting 3 year old.. so it's nice to see KK that my persistance will pay off..

I think at the time that he's doing it I do use some words describing how I think he's feeling-- to give words to his feelings.. and we talk about it again once he's calmed down. Also explaining that he's very upset and that I'm here to help him calm down and that I'm going to stay with him as he's got big feelings and that's a bit scary. There have been times when I've had to remove myself as it can go on for awhile or he's managed to really hurt me.. and I say that I need to keep him and myself safe, and that now I'm feeling angry and hurt and need a little space.. so I remove myself to regain composure (rather than elevate within myself and hit back (just being honest..)) but it's usually only a minute or two..

anyway- gotta go to work- will find that article- I think it was in Mothering a few years ago

Madi

15-07-2011, 02:29 PM

Sometimes Huddy and Tabi get angry at each other and grab each other; more wrestling than hitting, but it can still hurt. I've found just saying "it's ok to feel angry, it's not ok to hurt people." while I give them cuddles seems to work to calm them down.. When they're calm, we sometimes have a little chat about how you might feel if someone hurts you, and try and get them to understand the other persons perspective.

In terms of hitting me, which Huddy does occasionally (if he's had food with preservatives), I say the same things, but I also say "I love you, but I won't let you hurt me.".

I think having set things to say helps me stay calm when I'm feeling flustered.

kateking

15-07-2011, 04:10 PM

In terms of hitting me, which Huddy does occasionally (if he's had food with preservatives), I say the same things, but I also say "I love you, but I won't let you hurt me.".
.

Ooh I like that! I'm going to pinch that line Madi it really sums up my feelings. Not to use with hitting anymore, thank goodness but I'll use it when Mr 6 says hurtful things in anger. I like the idea of using it in the context of words hurting too. Thanks :)

Madi

15-07-2011, 04:52 PM

No worries. I kinda hope that they take that idea into their future relationships iykwim? That loving someone doesn't mean you have to take shit from them.

cherish

15-07-2011, 07:47 PM

I read an article on that the other day.. another thing to find :)

cherish

15-07-2011, 08:18 PM

found the link to the article about hitting Mum.. http://www.ahaparenting.com/_webapp_3928785/How_To_Stop_4_Year_Old_from_Hitting_Mom

would like to know others thoughts..

nadiah

16-07-2011, 09:49 AM

I really don't think it is the action you take at the time that teaches this lesson, they aren't ready to listen when they are striking out.

Oh yes that's very true. I should have mentioned, if he's hitting me it's always because he has become soo angry that he has just lost the plot.

I like the talking about it after, and I'm trying to do that more and more with him now that he's speaking better. However a lot of the time he just refuses to engage in the conversation. I'll say "you felt angry ...? why did you feel angry?", and he'll just be silent. So I gave up and just started asserting why "you felt angry because ...". I don't know if that's right or not. I've never managed to get him to the point where he says "I'm angry at you because...!", even though I do exactly that with him. So you see I fear that I'm just messing it up somewhere somehow. It doesn't seem to be working quite right. On the other hand, it was a great struggle to teach him to say "no!" when a kid at playgroup hit or snatched from him, so it might be him not me :-)

I do like the idea of him choosing a way to get over being angry, but with the unwillingness to talk I don't know if it will work. But I will try it with him next time, I'll try it a few times, and I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks for your advice.

nadiah

16-07-2011, 09:55 AM

I'm not sure what you mean by time in?

I've only read about it on the Internet, but I think it's pretty much what you just described. Instead of sending the child to a place of isolation, you go with them either with cuddling or just being next to them, until they calm down.

Can you tell me more about where you said "part of it is us trying to find solutions for her other than hitting"? I'm not really sure how to do this, maybe he's still a bit young for that redirection. So I've just been saying things like "it's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hit. You can shout, say I'M ANGRY BECAUSE ... " It doesn't seem to be working though, he never just shouts and expresses it verbally at me. He's so different to me I'm not sure how people of his style are meant to express anger...

nadiah

16-07-2011, 10:02 AM

I think at the time that he's doing it I do use some words describing how I think he's feeling-- to give words to his feelings.. and we talk about it again once he's calmed down.

Okay, so even when they're in a rage, in the midst of it, you'll say something like "You're feeling very angry because ..."? I guess I might as well, if they're too angry to hear it's the same as staying quiet.

There have been times when I've had to remove myself as it can go on for awhile or he's managed to really hurt me.. and I say that I need to keep him and myself safe, and that now I'm feeling angry and hurt and need a little space.. so I remove myself to regain composure (rather than elevate within myself and hit back (just being honest..)) but it's usually only a minute or two..

Does he react okay to that? Mine's a funny one, sometimes he tells me to go away. I'm happy to oblige him.

nadiah

16-07-2011, 10:03 AM

No worries. I kinda hope that they take that idea into their future relationships iykwim? That loving someone doesn't mean you have to take shit from them.

Yep, I like it too!

kateking

16-07-2011, 10:13 AM

Hi nadiah,
I should have said that the way I of handled this situation was how I handled it with Ollie! Your approach with your child will be different because he is unique and his feelings are his own :)

I would suggest though, that if he doesn't want engage in that conversation I wouldn't! My first baby was non verbal and my reaction to his anger and hitting was different. There was just a lot of soothing and holding and just one statement said gently. We don't hit, no matter how we feel we don't hit (consistant message and with maturity it sunk in!)
I didn't try to have a conversation about it with him.

I wouldn't assume it is anger either! Rather than say "you were feeling angry" maybe just say "you had a lot of feelings and you wanted to hit" You see the trouble with labelling the emotion for them is we might be off the mark. With a non verbal child it can be frustration that he can't articulate his desires, he can think it but he can't say it? Or it could be a headache or it could be not enough sleep and a feeling of overwhelming sadness, or it could be fear? That is why I ask DID you feel angry/frustrated? because when it is a question we open the door for them to think about what they were feeling and give them a chance to tell us (if they want to!)

It is a slow process because it is allowing them to learn how to process emotion and aggression as a natural part of development. There is a lot of pressure to just "stop" them hitting and while that is the ultimate aim we can't "make" them have control (even with gentle techniques) they can only develop it.

Trust yourself! Your intuitive response will be the right one for your child. Don't get disheartened just because you are not seeing results yet. What you are already doing IS right if it feels right to you. xx

nadiah

16-07-2011, 10:14 AM

Okay, thank you so much everyone for your ideas. Pulling everything that you've said together, here's my plan.

Next time he hits me, as he is hitting me, I'm going to say "You're feeling very angry because ...[reason here]".
When I step back from the swings I'll say "I love you but I won't let you hurt me".
We'll then lie on the big bed together (for the first time at least). He finds that place pretty comforting.
Once he has cooled off, I will say "You got very angry, didn't you?" and hopefully he'll say something in return. Then "It's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hit because hitting hurts". Then I'll try to have a conversation about what we should do next time he's that angry.
Possible issues ... If he doesn't talk back should I just give him the answers? It seems to defeat the purpose if I'm not letting him find his own solutions, but it's not like he's offering any ...

If he tells me to go away I think I will. If he slides off the bed and lies on the floor I guess I'll let him do that and just stay put on the bed. Any others?

Rinelle

16-07-2011, 10:38 AM

What I meant by find solutions was to go back to before she was angry, and look at what the trigger was. Usually it's quite obvious, I woudln't buy her a particular toy, or play a particular game for example, and work with that. Often my initial No was quite arbitrary, and when I look at it, I had no real reason to say no to buying a $2 toy or to say she couldn't play with her soft toy in the bath, and we're able to solve it by revisiting this issue and changing our options. Over time, I've gotten even better to doing this before I say No! That removes a lot of the arguements in the first place! Quite often, she has a justified reason to be angry/frustrated, and I was being unfair (ie I was spending $100 on shopping, but wouldn't let her have a small toy, or even worse, $50 on myself, but saying no to something small she wanted.). Over time, she's become much better at understanding when I do say no, and we can talk about the price of something, and she understands when something is out of our budget. She's also become better at negotiating a possible solution as well, which I was really stressed that she never attempted.

I do though, frequently say that we can discuss the issue when she's calmed down, and we can't work out a solution while she is angry. That might be a little old for your DS though yet.

When E was younger, we spent a lot of time reading books about emotions, since she also wouldn't/couldn't talk about what she was feeling. The 'When you're feeling..." series of books was one of her favourites, and she would ask to read them when she was feeling angry, first the angry one, then one of the happy type ones. You can get them from most places that sell books, even from the post office sometimes.

As for telling kids what they're feeling, I also resorted to this if it was obvious, as E wouldn't tell me or participate in working out what it was. These days, rather than saying "You feel angry because", I often say "It can be frustrating when we can't have what we want. We all feel like that sometimes, but it doesn't mean we can hit people/talk to them that way." That way I'm putting the possibility out there, without telling her directly what she's feeling, just giving her a possibility.

With the time in, how does your son react to this? E hates being held or cuddled while she is angry, so I just stay nearby until she has calmed down, then she'll ask me for a hug, and that's usually a good indication that the strong emotion is over, and we can move on to either leaving it behind and moving on, or coming up with a solution that we can all live with.

Rinelle

16-07-2011, 10:40 AM

Oh yeah, and we never really worked on the 'what to do instead of hitting when angry' other than to say that it was OK to be angry, but it wasn't OK to hurt people. None of the possible solutions (like hitting a pillow etc) ever worked for her, and over time, she's found her own solutions. She rarely hits anymore, and even on the rare occasion when she does, it's rather half hearted, and over in seconds.

cherish

16-07-2011, 12:34 PM

in terms of feelings.. anger is a secondary emotion- that is there is a feeling of fear, loss, stress so on that results in anger.. so yes, I think it's ok to say- 'I notice you're feeling angry' I would go on (reflecting on circumstances) and say something about the feeling underneath the anger (what's triggered it).. you're giving your child words and language around their feelings.. and that (hopefully) leads to your child being able to identify the different emotions and feelings that they have.. I've noticed in my own children that it takes a long time..

it's also useful to say how you're feeling- 'I feel sad when someone hits me'

when I've removed myself he doesn't like it- but it's better for me to do that, regain my composure then do something I would regret.... often when I return he's able to stop.. cause of course he doesn't want me to go away..

Rinelle- I also love those feeling books.. use them at work with Adults as well!

funny though, this morning Matt was carrying on.. he wanted a bf and I said no.. he turned it on big time.. then his Dad showed up to collect the children. I was thinking.. oh- he's not able to talk, he's lost it etc etc.. but he immediately calmed down with his Dad.. so he is getting to a stage where he can be upset- but he can calm down quickly.. even though I don't always recognize it.. if that makes sense

nadiah

18-07-2011, 02:55 PM

Oh I posted my reply before I saw this last time:

I wouldn't assume it is anger either! Rather than say "you were feeling angry" maybe just say "you had a lot of feelings and you wanted to hit"

Okay that's a good way of doing it. I'll do that instead.

I guess I thought it was anger because that's what I would feel, but like Cherish pointed out, even if it was anger it is a secondary emotion. Just now he got angry after he was disappointed because Papa was leaving for work. Interestingly, he started asking for laptop videos knowing full-well that we have a "no videos in the morning" rule, like he was looking for a "No" to get angry about so he could express himself and shout a bit :-) If I hadn't been paying attention I might have been confused as to why he was being unreasonable about videos, not realising it was an excuse to get mad because Papa was leaving.

I would suggest though, that if he doesn't want engage in that conversation I wouldn't! My first baby was non verbal and my reaction to his anger and hitting was different. There was just a lot of soothing and holding and just one statement said gently. ... Trust yourself! Your intuitive response will be the right one for your child.

So... my intuition is telling me that when he hits, I'm probably going to be lying next to him in silence. No cuddling, probably not even looking at him. It doesn't sound very "attachment parenting" if you know what I mean :-) Maybe the problem is that I feel like I should be doing something, but perhaps just being nearby is enough. Well we'll see. As luck would have it he hasn't hit me for a few days now.

nadiah

18-07-2011, 03:04 PM

Oh yeah, and we never really worked on the 'what to do instead of hitting when angry' other than to say that it was OK to be angry, but it wasn't OK to hurt people. None of the possible solutions (like hitting a pillow etc) ever worked for her....

Funny story: in an effort to redirect his anger I demonstrated screaming into a pillow for him. He was intrigued and amused by it and kept on requesting repeat performances. Needless to say, he never took it on board, but I now have a sure-fire way of making him laugh.

When E was younger, we spent a lot of time reading books about emotions, since she also wouldn't/couldn't talk about what she was feeling. The 'When you're feeling..." series of books was one of her favourites, and she would ask to read them when she was feeling angry, first the angry one, then one of the happy type ones...

Thanks for that, I think I need some more books dealing with emotions, if only because he has recently become very interested in them. We have a book about some girl's first day at school, and in it a character gets splashed by another child and gets angry. He's very interested in that page, I think a whole set of books of emotions would be interesting to him.

nadiah

18-07-2011, 03:13 PM

kateking

18-07-2011, 06:22 PM

So... my intuition is telling me that when he hits, I'm probably going to be lying next to him in silence. No cuddling, probably not even looking at him. It doesn't sound very "attachment parenting" if you know what I mean :-) Maybe the problem is that I feel like I should be doing something, but perhaps just being nearby is enough. Well we'll see. As luck would have it he hasn't hit me for a few days now.

Nadiah attachment parenting is all about following your intuition and knowing your child. Ollie can't stand me cuddling him when he's overwhelmed with feelings so often I lie nearby in silence until he approaches me.
Attachment parenting doesn't mean you have to be physically joined all the time, LOL. You are trying to explore options and solutions and it is really wonderful. You are obviously close and connected. Just be prepared to tweak your response as needed, nothing is set in stone (especially when you are dealing with little ones!) It's more the "vibe" than the action IYGWIM? xxx

Pinky

19-07-2011, 12:16 AM

Though truth is, sometimes it takes me a bit of effort to figure out why I am angry, so I can see this is going to be a challenge for us. I'll check the library for the "When you're feeling ..." books.

I hear ya! Maybe I should get those books out too! ;)

cherish

19-07-2011, 08:22 AM

Don't joke.. I use them at work with parents.. cause they're so simple to understand.. yes, I feel a little silly at times reading them to a group- but they are effective as they provide clear easy to understand info and pictures as well.. double senses..

nadiah

24-07-2011, 08:37 AM

Attachment parenting doesn't mean you have to be physically joined all the time, LOL.

Yeah I know, it's just a bit count-intuitive (ha!) that attachment parenting can mean being "unattached" at times too. The imagery is always an Earth mother goddess type breastfeeding or cuddling her child, never sitting a few metres from them and holding as serene an expression as she can muster while the kid screams at the top of its lungs :-D

Thanks for telling me about Ollie too, I thought that there must be other kids like him but I haven't seen any in real life. Perhaps I these types are just harder to notice because they're quieter, whereas everyone notices the kid thrashing on the floor and screaming in the supermarket. Speaking of which, a little while ago DS3 was tantruming at the shops - lying on the ground with his eyes closed - and I was standing by waiting, and an older lady came up to me asking if he was okay?! I had to reassure her that he was just having a tantrum, he'd be fine in a bit, I just have to wait ... :-) She took a bit of convincing, bless her, I guess it's not everyday you see a mother looking unconcerned while her kid lies motionless on the concrete!

cherish

25-07-2011, 07:53 AM

oh.. can we swap.. I would like a silent tantrum child! I did giggle reading your description of the older lady.. funny..

nadiah

30-07-2011, 09:44 PM

oh.. can we swap.. I would like a silent tantrum child! I did giggle reading your description of the older lady.. funny..

Yeah, it's definitely a bonus in some situations. Though this personality type comes with its own challenges - I guess they all do - it's difficult to figure out what's going on with him sometimes. And he's got passive-aggressive down to an art form, at 3, already. It's going to be great fun when he's an emo teenager :-)

Here's a good one from recently: he was in a bit of a crazy mood while we were walking next to a major road (close to his nap time, hence the craziness). Now I know almost certainly that he would never run onto the road. He's risk averse in general and very mindful about roads. But I'm risk averse too, so even if there's a 1% chance of him forgetting and running onto the road I'm not having it. So I tell him to hold my hand. This is fine for a while, but then he's over it and wants me to let go.

"No," I say, "I can carry you if you want but you're not running free until the corner." Now he's angry.

Once we round the corner I crouch down and start saying, "I needed to hold your hand because I was worried ... I love you and don't want you to get hit by a car ... etc."

His response? "Well I'll just rip the grass then!" and he starts tearing at the grass!

I say "okay, if it makes you feel better." Which was stupid of me, obviously, because if I'm okay with it then he's hardly getting me back.

So then he says "I'll just lick the tree then!" and he literally, walks up to a tree, and he licks it.

o.O It was all I could do not to burst out laughing at him.

Rinelle

30-07-2011, 09:56 PM

LOL. Sounds like a day out with my child at that age!

I spent a lot of time holding on to the back of her shirt when she didn't want me to hold her hand!

cherish

31-07-2011, 09:27 AM

nadiah

31-07-2011, 10:06 AM

funny- my son looks me straight in the eye and says 'Trust me Mumma' ok... I generally do, but there are times that he needs his hands held etc.. I just giggle to myself everytime.. as my word with him from conception has been trust..

Oh absolutely, and I guess I'll need to communicate to him that there's a difference between trusting his intent and trusting his ability. I know that he knows that we have road rules, and he is excellent at following them. But he's also forgetful, he has poor peripheral vision, and he becomes distractable and impulsive near nap time. It's probably a conversation we'll be having many times when he's older.

boy wrangler

31-07-2011, 05:15 PM

It's going to be great fun when he's an emo teenager :-)

On the upside, they probably won't have emo's when he's a teenager, they'll be a whole new fad for us oldies to keep up with! :2lol

Your little one sounds a lot like my eldest!

cherish

31-07-2011, 08:28 PM

oh- Matt hit me right in front of my neighbours today- the Dad is lovely- but they parent very different to me, and he gets really upset when Matt does it (I think from his own childhood).. he said- sorry, he had to go before he said something.. (which was good, as he has stepped over the line at times, though I do appreciate another man stepping in and saying it's not acceptable). Thankfully it was just one hit (with a few nudges) and he responded to cuddles etc..

oh.. anyway.. I can see that he's getting the idea and stopping slapping more quickly..

Astra

01-08-2011, 05:41 AM

I just ordered Hands Are Not For Hitting and Feet Are Not for kicking. I thought about just getting one but both seemed appropriate for my little one atm :(. I hear a lot of good reviews about how they go through lots of nice things you can do with your hands and feet instead so it will be interesting to see if they make a difference. I was sold on them when one person gave a bad review because the hitting one doesn't differentiate between a parent smacking or a child hitting :blink.

nadiah

05-08-2011, 03:34 PM

Just when I think I have it worked out, it changes ...

So the hitting returned a few days ago, but he's doing it all differently now. Now it seems really *fast*, Like he swipes at me only once now, and then as soon as he's done it it seems to be over. It looks very impulsive to me. Like instead of having a bout of the angries, it's all coming out in one big swipe (he literally shouts "bang!" as he does it), and then as soon as he has done it he seems to regain himself.

He has also stopped doing it in response to me saying "no" - in that situation he has switched to saying things like "just shut-up!" which is a bit shocking as I've always told him that we don't tell people to shut up we use "be quiet please", but I guess it is progress because at least he's using words to express his feelings.

Instead the last few times it has been in response tome physically impeding him, moving him somewhere he doesn't want to go, etc. The very last time was at playgroup, and it was in response to me taking him by the sides and moving him to face me while I told him why he couldn't block the door while we were cleaning up. In retrospect I am sympathetic about him hitting me for that; if some gigantic person was forcing me to make eye-contact by physically turning me while telling me something that I wanted to turn my face away from hearing, I'd want to hit them too. I think I did the wrong thing in that situation :(

I had a go at the list I'd made myself a little while ago, but I didn't have any luck getting ideas out of him for dealing with being angry. I also couldn't seem to remember all the great advice at that moment, I should write it somewhere physically. The whole system we came up with seems to be ill-suited to it now though because, like I said, the anger doesn't seem to be sticking around now. We won't need to lie on the bed to cool off because he's over it very quickly. Though he's still reluctant to talk so I guess I can keep going with that part. Or maybe I should stay on the bed with him anyway, just because he's not looking angry doesn't mean he still doesn't have some feelings to work through.

Though on the plus side, he now sometimes spontaneously says "sorry" afterwards.

Rinelle

05-08-2011, 06:04 PM

Sounds like a lot of positive progress! If he's getting over it quickly, I'd just keep repeating that it's OK to be angry, but not OK to hit people, and move on. Chances are though, he will go in and out of these stages as he gets older. The only certain thing with kids is that just when you think you have it worked out, they go and change it on you again!

cherish

05-08-2011, 06:30 PM

don't they ever..

nadiah

06-08-2011, 05:43 PM

Sounds like a lot of positive progress!

It does a bit doesn't it, but I have no idea what caused it or how it happened :confused1

If he's getting over it quickly, I'd just keep repeating that it's OK to be angry, but not OK to hit people, and move on.

Okay I will. I think last time I made a list of things to do that was too long to remember properly. That's just a list of two, I can handle that :-)

Astra

07-08-2011, 05:58 AM

I am glad to hear that you are making progress, my little boy is still quite the hitter and I am desperately waiting for the books to arrive as I don't have much faith in being able to solve the problem myself.

My lovely little sweetheart has turned into the monster that pushes other little children over at the park and makes the cry in the last two days :(. Hitting me and his little brother was one thing but it didn't seem so bad if he was being lovely to other little kiddies at the park (I could understand him resenting Tadhg and hitting me when he was unhappy with not getting his way, even if I didn't like it) but this is just upsetting. Usually it is to do with another kid having a toy they don't want to share and if I think about it, it may have started when he got kicked in the nose by a kiddie who didn't want to share a ball making it bleed badly (the grandmother looking after the little kid was nice but I didn't really appreciate all the comments about how traumatic it was for her grandson!). Hmm.

Rinelle

07-08-2011, 03:44 PM

How old is your son Astra? Might be worth skipping the park for a while. Often these behaviours are a stage, and go as suddenly as they appeared, so even a few weeks break might see a huge improvement. We were quite worried by E's hitting at one stage, and not sure we could solve it, but it did pass, and she has a lot more self control now. Sometimes it's just a case of waiting for them to get a little older and a little more development as much as anything else.

Astra

08-08-2011, 07:47 AM

He is 2.5 so I think you are right, unfortunately avoiding the park would mean being stuck in the apartment with the baby and myself taking all of the abuse and we get a lot more than he would ever give the other children at the park :(. I might try taking him to kick a soccer ball around instead to ease up a bit on park time.

boy wrangler

13-08-2011, 10:09 PM

Hopefully Astra, your first hand view of Archie in action at the park the other day has reassured you that lots of kids go through it and Fionn is definitely not alone. I so understand where you are at. Many is the time I've left a play/park outing in tears because of A's 'roughness'. :(

My mantra - this too shall pass (albeit slowly at times)

Astra

14-08-2011, 06:30 AM

Thanks BW, I honestly didn't notice Archie being that rough but I may have just been too busy running after Fionn. I have worked out that he tends to do it when he is getting a bit tired or hungry and it is time to leave which makes life easier. As for his behaviour with Tadhg even my husband commented that it was like he is just evil yesterday so I guess that is going to take a bit more time. This too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass ...

cherish

14-08-2011, 09:38 AM

my hitter is slowly hitting less.. and like nadiah shared.. he's striking out, once and ferocioulsy.. then he gets this 'hmmph' look on his face (and he actually makes that sound) so internally processing.. it's seeming to pass quicker, but when he does it it is hard and hurts..

I think for him, he's had a bit of stuff going on as well, my Mumma has come home for a visit, he hasn't had his normal visits with his Dad and at his kindy one of his teachers (the lovely one) has left.. as well as at my work child care the Director is in another position at the moment.. so lots of comings and goings that I'm sure impact him a little..